The ClayJar

Sketch Update

2011-04-22T09:33:00.005+08:00

Well, I'll post the sketches I've done so far, along with my thoughts on them :)

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Title: Nekoneko

(Sort of) Commissioned by Jie Hau for Melissa, he asked me to draw a "meowmeow" for "melmels", and since I love cats, I complied :)

Title: Chaste Kiss
Just an instant in time I wanted to draw, one of my earlier drawings. I had no confidence in drawing eyes then (now too come to think of it). This picture gives me warm-happy feelings when I look at it.

Title: Praise

My most "complete" sketch to date, I wanted to draw something themed "Praise", but got stuck. Then I got hit by the thought that "nothing screams PRAISE more than a rocker-girl on a bass guitar hahas... I had lots of fun designing her outfit and guitar. But my hair and shading could use lots of work though.

Title: Kakashi

Just a sketch commissioned for Benedict's birthday, he likes Kakashi from Naruto™. It's deceptively easy to draw

Title: Awaken
I wanted to draw a girl waking up from sleeping on her desk, not really well done, but I had good practice on drawing eyes.

Title: As You Turn Away
Just a memory, nothing to go crazy about.

Title: Twintails
My first attempt in drawing a character with eyes, definitely not one of my best work, but it's an important milestone to me:)

Title: Horror
A girl bloodstained with her own blood, isn't that just romantic in a macabre way? I had great fun drawing this:)

Title: Grace Like Rain
"Open the floodgates of Heaven. Let it rain. Let it rain." Those were the song lyrics that inspired me to draw this.

Sick With a Dash of Happiness

2011-04-12T21:38:00.005+08:00

ACK!!! Food poisoning!!! Could things get any worse? Well thanks to the MC I got, I guess it's a good excuse to finally update my blog Ʃ:3 (this Ʃ:3 is a cat smiley by the way hahas)

Well... I've been really hard at work brushing up my art skills in drawing anime sketches, and I'm all for posting them on my blog, but with one minor problem, my scanner's resolution is not up to par and my camera lost it's USB cable.

Hmm... well, I'm sure I'll think of some alternatives soon, but for now, let me show some of the scans that DID turn out ok Ʃ:3

Flowery Image

2011-03-25T09:56:00.006+08:00

Yoz, it's been awhile but I finally got round to using my computer again:) hahas... I did mention that I'll be posting something surprising this time around. It took me awhile but I finally managed to get a hold of the pictures I needed.

Well we had a baptism in church recently, and usually we buy a bouquet of flowers for those getting baptised. In this instance, one of the smaller flowers on one of the bouquets fell out. Not wanting to throw it away, Wei Xiong put it on my head just to see the effect.

Not bad eh? Hahas, amazing what a flower can do to someone's image. The following one is a candid shot taken by Hui Wen in KAP Mac. (Well I spotted her trying to take it, hence my eyes looking at the camera.

And finally, a last one of me striking a girlish pose before I left for home hahas... Attracted many second looks on the bus hahas!!!

Well that's that hahas... I recieved many compliments from people about this, such as, "It takes a real man, confident enough in his masculinity to pull a stunt like this." and, "好man喔!"

Hahas... maybe they were being sarcastic come to think of it, but all in all a fun day :)

Duty Barrage Finally Over!!!

2011-03-14T10:10:00.002+08:00

Been on duty for 5 weeks straight, pretty crazy I know, some had a bad case of foot rot and I had to cover his duty on top of my own. And when I thought I was done, someone drove his car into a pillar and got himself banned from driving. So I had to cover his weekend duties too. So I haven't been home in a loooooong loooooooong while.

Well but it's back to camp tomorrow and lots more work to do :( hmm... I think I'm finally using my time properly now. Been in a slump for quite awhile, but on the plus side, I got the inspiration to do some uncharacteristic things like baking a cake or learning how to play the guitar. Hahas... I was just a phase, but I guess it's great that some good did come out of it.

Just started on Dissidia 012 and my fingers hurt :( I guess that's what I get for spamming the PSP 18 hours a day for a week hahas... I think I'll do something surprising for my next post :)

汝星

2011-02-19T02:08:00.001+08:00

汝星

合拍的　两人的脚步声
与远方逐渐传来的　冬之音重叠

并肩得美丽的　两个人影
春天相遇的你　稍微长高了一些

共享相同当下的我们却梦见了不同的明天
「这样也无所谓」微微笑着
你的笑容看起来却太难过

几乎像是自豪般的　什么都做不到
想要待在你身边　只能如此希望

即使一切　都消失不见了
我们此刻找到的事物
永远在此地
不断闪闪发光

相触的指稍　流入的温度
与你合而为一　唯一的瞬间

熟悉的街道　始终不变的我
被放置遗忘于　流逝而去的季节之中

我们在分离的世界　假装着相互理解
直到能伸手碰触到那颗星星的日子到来之前
还需要堆叠多少思念呢

几乎像要满溢而出般地　爱着你
向黎明前刻的星星们　深深祈愿

纵使一切　终将消失而去
残留到最后　唯一的
微弱光芒
是我们所找到的答案

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Weird Dreams

2011-02-11T10:00:00.003+08:00

Been having weird dreams recently, dreams that somehow always end up with me getting killed.

There's one where I was chased through a forest, I was running for several hours when I reached a rock wall. With no where to run I tried to climb it, I was nearly to the top when my strength gave out and I fell down to the earth, probably with my head squashed.

There's another where I saw the faces of my friends around me, we were all captured and held hostage. We were told that if we would sacrifice one of us they would let the rest go. I was betrayed when the rest volunteered me, but strangely I didn't feel afraid or angry. I looked at my friends and smiled as a knife cut my throat. Though I died, I felt peace knowing that my friends could escape.

There's this dream where I was forced to fight in a war, as a soldier I charged enemy lines with my M-16 rifle with my squad. We were following our commander when he got shot in the head by the enemy, in the confusion we were killed one by one and eventually, I died too.

Not sure what all these mean, but I bet it has something to do with what I'm reading now hahas... probably should cut down on war stories, or at least sleep a little earlier :P

I Wanna Be Your World

2011-02-06T01:06:00.000+08:00

Title: I Wanna Be Your World

Someday I will tell you,
Do you remember this little wish?
Outside my broken memories,
It feels like a dream I can't wake up from.

I look at what lies before your eyes.
I never seem to understand it but,
What's your outlook on the world?
Are you aware that,
I wanna be your world.
(I wanna be your world)

My feelings want to reach you,
But they are interrupted by a cold wall.
I fear that it's something that can't be changed.
This scenery melts down.

The moonlight shines upon you,
An unbreakable light, just like your shadow.
I always said, "I can't get close to you!"
My tears fade away,
I wanna be your world.
(I wanna be your world)

This distance between you and me doesn't make sense,
This far, far sky is collapsing.
I see the stars falling from it,
And your figure disappearing too.

Just a little more to pierce through this glass wall,
I reach out my hand to touch you.
A rain of stardust falls upon us,
And it becomes one
(I wanna be your world)

I look at what lies before your eyes.
I never seem to understand it but,
What's your outlook on the world?
Are you aware that,
I wanna be your world.
(I wanna be your world)

Slow week

2011-02-03T00:48:00.003+08:00

Not much of a week, finally managed to see my parents after 2 weeks (largely due to insane weekend duties).

Been listening to some love songs like "I Wanna Be Your World" and "Soundless Voice".

"I Wanna Be Your World" is about someone wants to convey that she loves someone, but everytime she tries, it's like a wall blocking her way... and after awhile, the distance between her and her love increases and eventually he fades away... but she still wants to be important to him (to be his world).

"Soundless Voice" is about a man who finds the girl he loves dead in a snow storm. Even then, he still yearns to hear her voice once more and cries as he waits for a miracle. Time passes and it became clear no miracle would happen, when he realizes that, he took comfort in the snow. Asking it to take him to her. And with that he dies.

I don't know about you, but personally the cold weather is getting to me. But there're memorable moments to be had in it too... Like drinking hot coffee while trying to keep warm... Sigh... not like the picture above though... I drank my Starbucks Latte alone.

3, 2, 1, Alice

2011-01-24T21:17:00.003+08:00

Title: 3, 2, 1, Alice

There was a trio of brothers,
Triplets if you must know.
They cut up dogs and some cats,
You’d wish they’d reap what they sow.

There was a pair of siblings,
A brother and sister duo.
They wanted to stop the triplet’s crimes,
But in the end they dared not go.

There was a little girl called Alice,
Whose skin was as white as snow.
She saw the tormentors and the cowards,
In her mind a plan started to grow.

She invited them all to tea and cakes,
And smiled when they said no.
They died in their sleep after several nights,
Only Alice knew why it was so.

So bullies of the weak and helpless,
And those with a timid soul.
You all are equally unrighteous,
Just hope that Alice doesn’t show.
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Hahas I had a lot of fun writing this... after all... it's Alice's debut! Hahas...

To me... this little girl named Alice is my personification of death. Some people have the Grim Reaper(with a skull head and dark hooded cloak with a death scythe), or a Shinigami(Bleach or Death Note take your pick), or even Azarel(the angel of death) But to me... death is like a whimsical little girl who'd came and goes as she pleases. Sometimes childishly sadistic and at other times gentle and sweet.

I had her on my mind for quite awhile now but didn't quite manage to find a way to put her in my writings. So I'm satisfied that I can debut her this way:)
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Well I went out with Bernice today, met up at Causeway Point, ate some food, did some shopping and wasted a trip to the library. Hahas... had sadistic pleasure keeping her in suspense to keep her guessing what her Xmas and Bday presents are:) hahas... You don't have to feel guilty la silly girl:) It's what friends do for each other... or at least what I do for friends:) I hope you take care dear sis... Love ya lots:)

Pick Me Ups

2011-01-13T19:55:00.006+08:00

Yesh, believe it or not, I've finally decided to stick to a New Year's Resolution that's simple yet not so easy to fulfil. There are only 5:

1) Take one day off a week from camp till I ORD.(so far so good)
2) Do at least 30 sit-ups a day.(this got busted in the first week *insert sad face*)
3) Learn how to play the guitar to play the song "That's When I Love You"(fingers dying)
4) Find a school I can go to after NS.(in-progress)
5) Continue my novel.(no comment, it's depressing enough as it is)
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I saw something recently on one of my nights-out of camp, I bought a ticket to watch Guliver's Travels alone. But as I was waiting for the ticket attendant to start accepting tickets, a guy in Lot1 cineplex was waiting for his girlfriend and he looked a little nervous/angry/worried. I guess he was waiting for quite awhile and got a little high strung. But as soon as his girlfriend showed up, that look of relief on his face was so plain that it almost hurt me to watch.

His GF made a show of apologising for her lateness and he was saying that it was alright (trying to look every inch the confident and mature BF). As they entered the cinema the girl gave him a peck on his cheek for good measure, before their conversation collapsed into good natured bickering.

It's rare to see a couple so close that they can argue about everything, and have fun doing it. It shows that they've been together for awhile now, and yet not take each other for granted from the genuine concern the guy showed and the natural, chaste peck on the cheek the girl gave.

Somehow, when I looked at those two, I felt a slight pain in my heart accompanied with the thought, I guess there's hope for the couples of today afterall.

Discussion: Pain

2011-01-05T13:49:00.002+08:00

It's been awhile since I had a post for discussions hahas... I wanna share something I realized while reflecting on the year 2010 as I planned my New Year Resolutions hahas... The topic this time would be on pain.
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Each time you get hurt, you come out of it a little stronger, and at some point you realize that there are more flavours of pain than ice-cream. There's the little empty pain of leaving something behind - graduating, taking the next step forward, walking out of something familiar and safe into the unknown. There's the big whirling pain of life upending all your plans and expectations. There's the sharp little pains of failure, and the more obscure aches of successes that didn't give you what they thought they would. There are the vicious, stabbing pains of hopes being torn up. The sweet little pains of finding others, giving them your love, and taking joy in their life as they grow and learn. There's the steady pain of empathy that you shrug off so you can stand beside a wounded friend and help them bear their burdens.

And if you're very, very lucky, there are very few blazing hot little pains you feel when you realize that you are standing in a moment of utter perfection, an instant of triumph, or happiness, or mirth which at the same time cannot possibly last - and yet will remain with you for life. Everyone is down on pain, because they forget something important about it: pain is for the living. Only the dead don't feel it.

Pain is a part of life. Sometimes it's a big part, and sometimes it isn't, but either way it teaches you, tells you you're alive. Then it passes away and leaves you changed. It leaves you wiser, sometimes. Sometimes it leaves you stronger. Either way, pain leaves its mark, and everything important that will ever happen to you in life is going to involve it in one degree or another.

Life is Tough

2010-12-30T10:51:00.001+08:00

I remembered the strongholds of nightmares and terrors I had invaded, the dark gates I'd kicked down. I remembered the faces of prisoners I helped to free, and the funerals of those I couldn't save due to my own cowardice. I remembered the sounds of voices and laughter, the joy of loved ones reunited, the tears of the lost and bereaved. Memories like that hurt like hell - but pain wasn't anything special or new. I'd lived with it before, and would do it again. It wasn't the first thing I'd seen, and it wouldn't be the last. I will NOT roll over and die just because it hurts.

There are bad things in the world. There's no getting away from that. But that doesn't mean nothing can be done about them. You can't abandon life just because it's scary, and just because sometimes you get hurt.

Life is tough, and if you have the ability to laugh at it you have the ability to enjoy it.

Please

2010-12-28T19:14:00.001+08:00

You know what?

Forget it.

Just forget it.

You can smile and pretend.

But just forget it.

Please.

Childish

2010-12-20T00:40:00.004+08:00

I've been sulking a little recently. Because someone made me jealous. Zzz... kinda childish and immature of me, but heck, I wanna be an angsty selfish teenager for once. I've never done so in my teenage years, so I want to experience it at least once.

Sigh... with this, I'll be gone for awhile, don't bother contacting.

Childish.

My dream may not come true. No, it definitely won't come true. The future I wanted to have is gone. All I can see now is darkness. How am I supposed to live? What am I supposed to...?

That's When I Love You

2010-12-19T12:21:00.003+08:00

When you have to look away
When you don't have much to say
That's when I love you
I love you, just that way

To hear you stumble when you speak
Or see you walk with two left feet
That's when I love you
I love you, endlessly

And when your mad cuz you lost a game
Forget I'm waiting in the rain
Baby I love you,
I love you anyway

Here's my promise made tonight
You can count on me for life
That's when I love you
When nothing you do can change my mind

The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart can't get enough
That's when I love you, no matter what

So when you turn to hide your eyes
Cause the movie made you cry
That's when I love you
I love you a little more each time

And when you can't quite match your clothes
Or when you laugh at your own jokes
That's when I love you
I love you, more than you'll know

And when you forget that we had a date
Or that look that you get when you show up late
Baby I love you, I love you anyway

Here's my promise made tonight
You can count on me for life
That's when I love you
When nothing you do can change my mind

The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
That's when I love you,
When I love you no matter what

That's when I love you
When nothing baby
Nothing you do could change my mind

The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart can't get enough

That's when I love you,
When I love you no matter what
No matter what

In Critical Need of a Good Night's Sleep

2010-12-13T22:45:00.003+08:00

Sigh... Feeling really tired, really need a vacation zzz...

So I guess it's a good thing I'm taking the whole of next week off:) hahas a chance to get some R&R and generally get away from technology and everything else. Need to think of some stuff and to sort out my mind, been feeling too confused and irritable recently for my own good.

Like behaving uncharacteristically short tempered compared to the usual me. Or being unnecessarily cruel/difficult to the people I deal with. I can blame the fatigue all I want, but the actions that have been done are inexcusable and undoubtedly done by me. I'm sorry.

I read a book recently, and there was a quote which struck me strongly: "Dreams are much like curses. People who can't achieve their dreams and people who give up on their dreams will always be cursed by them."

You can blame me for being persistent, you can blame me for being irritating, you can blame me for being too deep in idiocy for my own good. But don't blame me for trying to live my life without regrets.

I know you'll be there for me and I'm happy to settle for that. Trust me.

Whirlwind of a Week

2010-12-10T19:27:00.006+08:00

Had an awesome week this time:) filled with a whirlwind of emotions and a whirlwind of quirky situations hahas...

To sum up:

I had my heart broken, repaired it somehow.

Then felt like dying due to overwork, drove on practically the whole of Monday to Tuesday with only a little sleep and a mountain of paperwork to tackle:(

Later on Thursday, I was on duty again to send the people reporting sick to the medical center, but the van I was driving broke down. Had to call a tow truck and then walk 4km to the medical center with a bunch of ill people.

And Friday I had a heritage tour to attend. But I felt my primary takeaway was mosquito bites. so that was a waste of time lol... also bade Raph, Jia Jun and En Liang farewell since they ORD today. Gonna miss those jokers hahas...

All in all a could-have-been-better week. But rather lonely in my opinion. Luckily Poliwag can always be relied on for comfort whenever I'm home:)

Nightly Wishes

2010-12-04T10:57:00.002+08:00

Title: Nightly Wishes

Nearly every night before I slumber,
I refrain myself from wishing you good night.

Though such a conviction is simple,
It still gives birth to a heart wrenching emotion.

But as I cry myself to sleep tonight,
I wish you sweet dreams silently from within my heart.

Presents and Goodbyes

2010-11-28T20:20:00.007+08:00

I'm going outfield next week from Tuesday to Thursday. Not very sure where I'm going or what I'm going to do there. But I've decided to have fun all the same hahas:) I can finally have a break from all the guard duties:) only driving duty for me from now on:) hahas... which is considered slack compared to being duty guard:)

Well... trying to keep to my principle of preparing presents for friends 1 month in advance but it doesn't seem to be going very well... Just a quick update for the Xmas giveaways:

Ming Yi: No idea what to get him for now
Yu Xian: Probably something he can use in BMT (I know you're reading this :P)
Wei Xiong: Getting him a green sweater if I can find one (lucky he doesn't read this blog lol)
Bernice: Have a rough idea (I know you're reading this too so I'm not revealing anything lol)
Jerrold: Making something that can encourage him
Stephanie: A sketch of her that I'll obtain as a favour from another friend
Wan Xin-jie: Something anime related??
Jie Hau-ge: No idea :(
Kong Sheng: Not sure too... maybe a figurine?
Bryan: A nice book :)
Ian: Something Arsenal related

Yea... that's all I've thought of till now... hahas... I hope I can get it done though... hmm... well been feeling lethargic recently... a think/hope it's due to my efforts to get away from coffee(somehow I doubt it).

Sigh... I met up with someone who I used to know a long time ago, someone I cared about, someone who had the same dreams as I did and I can't believe how someone can change so much in such a short period of time. I guess no matter how much we were alike before... Now I am me, and you are you. Though I'm sad we are on different paths, I'm glad we could at least say goodbye :)

Days That Are Familiar

2010-11-26T22:15:00.007+08:00

Went out with Bernice today:) Hahas... first time I've been greeted with these words, "Hey, you were too short and I didn't notice you." Pretty amazing stuff hahas... *sobs*

We ate lunch and went shopping around for some stuff. She bought a notebook, and couldn't find a pencil. I couldn't find the books I was looking for but I found something else instead :) Confused? Same here hahas...

After we said goodbye I went to Woodlands to borrow a book and then I got home in time to go out with my parents for their 26th wedding anniversary. We ate at Jack's Place and had lots of interesting conversation hahas... like how my parents planned their wedding and how their lifestyle was like before having kids hahas...

Went home after that and I slept after blogging hahas...

I've been wondering why are we wired to love others? We do silly things, have silly hopes and, when we care enough, feel silly when we're hurt. But how come even though I've cried my tears dry that day, you still appear in my dreams?

From This Moment On

2010-11-25T19:12:00.002+08:00

From this moment life has begun
From this moment you are the one
Right beside you is where I belong
From this moment on

From this moment I have been blessed
I live only for your happiness
And for your love I'd give my last breath
From this moment on

I give my hand to you with all my heart
Can't wait to live my life with you, can't wait to start
You and I will never be apart
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment on

You're the reason I believe in love
And you're the answer to my prayers from up above
All we need is just the two of us
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment
I will love you as long as I live
From this moment on

Skits and Plushies

2010-11-21T17:31:00.004+08:00

Hahas... had an awesome day in church yesterday. Yu Xian is going to NS this thursday so we decided to perform a skit to mark this chapter of his life. We performed the main events a soldier has to go through in BMT in 4 scenes. I took the role as the sergeant and the rest (Ming Yi, Jerrold, Wei En, Daniel and Wei Xiong) acted as the soldiers. Scene 1 was the day they enlist, Scene 2 was a routine PT session, Scene 3 was their field camp and Scene 4 was their 24km route march.

Had lots of fun, and everything was well rehearsed. Along with Kong Sheng playing the NS song on the guitar as we did the song, the overall effect turned out really nicely:)

My favourite moment was this,
Daniel: My name is Daniel, but you can call me 大牛, or Sir...lon steak.
Me: Sirlon steak? Well-done.
Jerrold: That's rare.
Hahas... All making steak references hahas.

Glad things turned out ok, especially since we spent the whole evening+night on friday practicing hahas...

Oh talking about friday, I bought a pair of vocaloid plushies and they're so cute! Hahas... Kagamine Rin and Len. A pair of vocaloid twins:) They're really rare so I felt really lucky I managed to find them hahas...

[I'LL UPLOAD PICS OF THEM WHEN I HAVE THE TIME]

A Nice Outing

2010-11-17T22:51:00.006+08:00

Hahas... went out today to meet the lifegroup:) we met at Orchard Road around 4pm. People who went were Yu Xian, Ming Yi, Jerrold, Wei Xiong, Hui Jie, Kong Sheng, Wan Xin-Jie, Hui Wen, Debra, Eugene, Mei Yu, Wei En, Yang En, Kenneth Zhang, Daniel and me:) Hahas so many people, we had a nightmare finding a location where we can eat together hahas. In the end we settled on Astons in Suntec City.

I can still imagine the look on the waiter's face when we told him out head count hahas... but luckily the manager for the day happens to be Wei En's ex-classmate, and so we somehow managed to find seats for all of us. Hahas... I ordered a Black Pepper Chicken(regretted it) and some mashed potatoes(enjoyed it) and a bottle of IBC Root Beer(loved it). We left around 7 plus.

After paying and whatnot, we were faced with the dilemma. The girls wanted to go shopping while the guys wanted to play cards at Mac. In the end we split to two groups. Leaving a small number of guys to go shopping with the girls as escorts(me included) lol... we shopped for Xmas presents and some clothes, but we never bought any for the latter, deciding with our better judgement to wait for the CNY sale before we start to look for it. We rejoined the rest at Mac later, and went our separate ways home around 9pm. hahas... nice way to spend a holiday... haven't gone out with such a big group recently:)

Oh yes, I recently started drawing for fun hahas... I came up with Angwy Penguin!!! (note that this is not a typo) hahas hope we can see more of him in future :)

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New possibilities get you excited no matter how old you are.

New Skin!!!

2010-11-14T22:47:00.002+08:00

Hahas finally gotten around to renovating my blog. Been getting feedback that myblog is a little hard to read due to the font colour and background(Ok fine, it's just one person giving the same feedback twice). I felt that way too and so I spent some time revamping it. Give comments please :) since I'm in a mood for change, I wanna settle the problems regarding my blogskin all at one go:)

My Top 10 Favourite Anime Couples

2010-10-29T22:25:00.019+08:00

Hahas finally got the resources to continue my "Top 10" list hahas... A dear friend of mine recently said that these lists were interesting hahas... glad to know that people still read my blog:) It's hard to find 2 pictures for each entry (like what I did for previous lists) so I'll just post one for each (sorry). On with the list!
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#10

Name/Age(He): Ial/20+
Name/Age(She): Erin/18
Anime: Kemono no Souja Erin
What I like: Erin first met Ial when she was 14. At that time Ial gave Erin his harp which was his last keepsake from his deceased father. When they met again much later, at that time Ial was being hunted for crimes he didn't commit and Erin helped hide him from his pursuers. She trusted that he hasn't changed his upright and loyal nature from the first time they met and after many trials they each had to face separately, they somehow cared for each other deeply enough to love. To me, their relationship represents how love can blossom from trusting each other's character.

#9

Name/Age(He): Natsu Dragneel/17
Name/Age(She): Lisanna/17
Anime: Fairy Tail
What I like: Childhood friends who were close and saw one another as family. Lisanna has a crush on Natsu. And it's hinted that he has similar feelings, as shown when it was thought that Lisanna was killed. Natsu becomes uncomfortable and evasive when she is brought up in conversations and even mentions of her makes him upset. But they have rekindled their relationship when she came back very much alive. In Facebook terms, they're each other's "It's complicated" hahas...

#8

Name/Age(He): Nura Rikuo/13
Name/Age(She): Yuki-Onna/13
Anime: Nurarihyon no Mago
What I like: Though their relationship is more between servant and master, it is clear that they are very close and protective of each other. I think Yuki-Onna regards Rikuo with deep affection and maybe even love, just that she doesn't know it herself yet, and passes her protectiveness off as doing her duty to protect her master. I'm not sure what Rikuo thinks of her though, he always comes to her rescue when she's hurt or in trouble and she does likewise. I think they're more like friends who're so close that the hassle of "dating" or "being in a boy-girl relationship" doesn't really have much meaning anymore.

#7

Name/Age(He): Yagami Kazuma/19
Name/Age(She): Tsui Ling/18
Anime: Kaze no Stigma
What I like: At 18, Kazuma was banished from his family, his only desire became achieving great power. He traveled to a small town in China, where he caused all kinds of trouble. That is until he met Tsui Ling, whom he fell in love with and eventually lived with. Kazuma no longer desired power and along with working part-time at a restaurant with her, he also took up a job as a freelancer, doing simple odd jobs. But their happiness came to an abrupt end with Tsui Ling's violent death. Though Kazuma eventually killed the one responsible for her death, it left him empty. Their tragic relationship reminds me on how fleeting love can be. That even if you don't wish for violence, the world may bring it to you.

#6

Name/Age(He): Okazaki Tomoya/18
Name/Age(She): Furukawa Nagisa/19
Anime: Clannad
What I like: Okazaki Tomoya is a third-year student who is labeled as a delinquent by others because of his constant tardiness. On one of his late comings, he meets Furukawa Nagisa, a shy girl who skipped her last year due to her sickness and has to repeat last year over again - with her friends all graduated. Although Tomoya doesn't care for this girl at first, he becomes unable to leave her alone. Thus, he starts helping Nagisa with her wish, on the revival of the Drama Club. Though that failed, they became closer and after Tomoya confessed to her, they started becoming a couple and eventually getting married. Their relationship reminds me on how love can happen anywhere and at anytime, being in love is not always necessarily "love at first sight" but can be developed over time :)

#5

Name/Age(He): Usui Takumi/17
Name/Age(She): Ayuzawa Misaki/17
Anime: Kaichou wa Maid-sama!
What I like: Takumi regularly tells Misaki that he likes her, but she brushes it off as a joke or harassment, calling him a "Perverted Outer Space Alien." However, there is no doubt that she gradually develops feelings for him, but refuses to acknowledge them until her childhood friend confesses his love for her, and that was when she realises that she actually did love Takumi. She always says that she hates him, but it usually means she loves him. Hahas... a typical tsundere relationship. Nice to watch in an anime, but really hard to manage in real life :(

#4

Name/Age(He): Allen Walker/17
Name/Age(She): Lenalee Lee/18
Anime: D.Gray Man What I like: Allen is a person who is willing to get hurt for the sake of his friends, and Lenalee is someone who doesn't want her friends to get hurt. As you can see there's a conflict in their character. But somehow they can strike a balance and actually complement each other quite well :) like two gears moving in opposite directions, yet they are what help each other move.

#3

Name/Age(He): Otonashi Yuzuru/-
Name/Age(She): Tachibana Kanade/-
Anime: Angel Beats!
What I like: Their story takes place in the afterlife. Yuzuru was a student who was accepted into a top medical school. But on the way to enroll, the train he was on got into accident. However, before he died he noted on his citizens card that he wishes to donate all his internal organs to people who are in need. And with that he passes on. And somehow ends up in the afterlife. There he meets Kanade, a girl with seemingly little emotion. After many happenings Yuzuru realises that Kanade isn't actually a person who feels nothing, but a kind hearted girl who doesn't know how to express herself clearly. As time goes by they learn that this "afterlife" isn't really that at all. But a place for youths to fulfil their unfulfilled dreams in life. Yuzuru's dream was to live on the "thank yous" given to him by the people he has helped (which is why he wanted to be a doctor). While Kanade had heart problems since she was young and as her heart was failing, a donor donated his heart to her allowing her to live an extended life, and so her dream was to say "thank you" to the person who gave her his heart. And guess what? That donor was Yuzuru who died in that train accident! Yuzuru confesses his love for Kanade, and she thanks him for loving her and giving her life. With that, she disappears(obliterated), her dream fulfilled. the ending scene was really emotional. I cried when I watched it so sue me hahas.

#2

Name/Age(He): Ayasaki Hayate/16
Name/Age(She): Tennos Athena/16
Anime: Hayate no Gotoku!
What I like: Athena rescued Hayate (when they were 6) as he lay dying after running away from home when he couldn't take the crimes his parents were doing anymore. They lived together for awhile. But as time passed, Hayate decided to return to his parents if they decided to change their ways. They claimed to have done so and Hayate (not realising that they betrayed him) trusted them. He returned to tell Athena the news but she knew what Hayate parents had done and asked Hayate to leave them calling them "trash of humans". Hayate, not understanding why she was behaving this way, tried to defend his parents and said that Athena didn't know how he felt because she didn't have any parents. A big fight ensued, and Athena told Hayate to leave and she never wanted to see him again. She immediately regretted and asked Hayate to come back and that she was sorry. But she was too late and he had left. They never saw each other again till 10 years later. But even then, it's clear that they still loved each other deeply. She still dreams of him, and he still cries when he thinks of her. When they were finally reunited, she forced him to leave her, being afraid that she would hurt him again. This time they parted on a good note. I feel that their relationship is really bitter and sweet at the same time. Just like how love is.

#1

Name/Age(He): Cloud Strife/22
Name/Age(She): Tifa Lockheart/21
Anime: Final Fantasy VII
What I like: Cloud and Tifa share a special relationship. They've both made it obvious that they care deeply for each other even when they were little. Cloud and Tifa both grew up in Nibelheim, the small mountain town where they were born. As most of you probably know, our anti-hero wasn't quite the social stereotype; on the contrary, he didn't relate at all to the other youth in town, and neither was he accepted in the groups, anyway. As a result, he totally distanced himself from others, and never really learned, as a child, what it felt like to have friends. However, he did like one kid in Nibelheim, and that was the popular Tifa Lockheart, always surrounded by her own group of friends: three boys, as immature as children are supposed to be, and especially harsh towards Cloud, who, in everybody else's eyes, was "different".

This does not mean Tifa didn't feel anything for him, though. She was intrigued by him, but, at such a young age already, society proved not to work, not allowing the "weirdo" down the street and the most popular girl in town to meet. Cloud never actually knew she cared at this point, but kept watching her from a distance nonetheless: until the fateful day when Tifa's mother died. Crushed and feeling real pain for the first time in her life, and despite how dangerous it might be, she decided to go to the other side of Mt. Nibel, where she believed her mother could be: but her little friends didn't join her on this particular quest, and it was up to Cloud alone to save Tifa when she missed her step. However, our "hero" couldn't make it in time, and they both fell off the mountain; while he was merely bruised, Tifa went into a seven days coma Cloud was fully blamed for.

Cloud becomes even more antisocial after this incident; he'd fight for no reason at all, no matter who it was he was up against. But his affection towards Tifa was not forgotten, and he decided to leave Nibelheim for Midgar to join SOLDIER, to impress her.

Tifa and Cloud have they first private, meaningful talk at the well in Nibelheim, where he lets her know where he's going and what he's leaving for. She was visibly saddened by the news, but still too shy to just go and tell Cloud how she felt about him: instead, she made him promise that he would become her hero, to come back and rescue her whenever she was in trouble. And he did, broken, weak and humiliated, but he did fulfil his promise.

I know, long essay, but I'm just passionate alright? so cut me some slack hahas...

Rant On The New Transport Supervisor

2010-10-22T22:43:00.011+08:00

My new transport supervisor is an anti-social moron. And in memory to his actions, I Anderson Neo Ming Yu, will rant on his antics this week.

In the beginning of the week, he had a medical appointment so he wasn't around. He was already hugely unpopular with the people in camp and my MTO(Motorised Transport Officer) decided to have a talk with us in that guy's absence to settle any grievances we have. Each person aired his grievances, such as the guy having medical appointments half the week and leaving us to do his work, saying irresponsible things, talking behind others' backs, alienating people who try to be nice to him and blaming us for not trying to understand him, etc.

The MTO revealed to us that the guy claims to be suffering from depression and has mental illnesses (people trying to get off easy usually resort to this, ie. guys trying to get out of NS or criminals or the like).

Most of us flat out rejected his claims, saying that if it were true, then he would have medical proof such as a doctor's letter, which he doesn't. MTO told us to calm down and asks us, "Would you take the chance that what he's saying isn't true?" And at that point I was -_-"

He took 'A' levels and went through BMT for crying out loud! The kind of stress we have here is nothing compared to that! Zzz... compared to army-side and other camps, life here is like heaven (comparatively).

But MTO told us to just give him a chance. And that, along with the sermon I heard on Saturday about forgiveness, made me resolved to seriously give him a chance.

When he came back, I was nice to him, talking to him about stuff I know he likes (such as Starcraft) and helped him to handle some of his duties. But he took it as if he deserves it. At that point I was still hopeful my efforts would pay off. But as I got to know him better, the less I liked him. He talks about people behind their backs, but when confronted he feigns ignorance(coward), counters every single thing other people say with the arrogance of a pampered cat.

There was once I was reading the newspaper when I flipped to an article on people complaining about scantily clad celebrities, he saw that and said with a smile on his face, "You like this kind of stuff right? You horny ba***rd." and repeated the last 3 words over and again. I got really pissed and replied, "So says the guy who reads articles on rape out loud."(which he did before he passed the paper to me.) He said that that doesn't make him horny and tried to bait me into challenging him to a debate on how horny each of us are.

To my credit I didn't take the bait. (Trust me, it was hard)

After lunch I spoke to him again to try giving his messed up reputation another chance. I told him I was gonna buy Starcraft 2 soon and asked him if he would be interested in playing it with me. He asked me why am I going to buy it so late. I said that it was due to me waiting for the price to drop and to wait for my brother's end-of-year exams to end so that he could now afford distractions. That guy replied with a smirk on his face, "Your brother so noob ah?"

God help me, I nearly slapped him then and there.

You guys know how much I love and treasure my brother. And no one, I mean NO ONE messes with him, including me. I stopped the conversation and went out for some air to cool myself down.

Later we had to do servicing (which coincidentally was a Transport Supervisor's job), I did it with another Transport Supervisor who was also a friend of mine and a few others. That guy never even showed up while we were working under the sun getting engine oil all over us and inhaling haze.

And now I'm home, phew.

Alright I feel much better :) Nights.

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Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves without any insistence that they satisfy you.

Course Ends, Duties Begin

2010-10-12T22:30:00.005+08:00

My course ends tomorrow, and then it's RTU (Return To Unit) hahas... Sometimes I wish the days where I can stay home will never end. But then again, being back in unit in the west would make my life meeting church people and MI people a lot easier hahas. My schedule would look something like this weekly:

Monday-Go to MI to give GP tuition.
Tuesday-Play badminton with Yang En and gang.
Wednesday-Meet up for Lifegroup sharing.
Thursday-Hit the gym to rip my muscles to shreds.
Friday-Go home and practice my writing and try to find time to practice my keyboard.
Saturday-Church day :)
Sunday-Go out or stay home, depends on my mood.

Well, my schedule is really flexible especially since I have to accommodate my guard/driving/standby duties. Hahas... I really hope I can share the writing I've been practicing on soon. But now they're still a work in progress hmm...

Oh well no point brooding, but lots of points to keep practicing! Hahas... but now it's good night for me :)
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Life’s like a piano. The white keys represent happiness, and the black keys show sadness. But as you go through your life’s journey, remember that the black keys make music too.

My Most Precious Treasure

2010-10-09T23:30:00.003+08:00

You taught me that, so I'm not scared anymore. I have to let go of this hand that was holding on to mine.

Even if I'm alone, I'll go on, even if it's tough. I'll definitely take along the dream I had with everyone. I'm glad to be with everyone, I'm glad to have been with everyone.
But on the morning when I wake up, no one is there.

Even if I look back, no one's shadow is there anymore. Only the puddles shined.
To live on is to stand and fight. Once you understand that, all you need is the courage to step forward.

I'll go everywhere, that's what I learned here. I’ll show that I can make the dream called happiness come true. Even if I'm separated from everyone, no matter how far apart we are. I will live in a brand-new morning.

Even if I'm alone, I'll go on, even if I want to die. I can hear your voice, saying, "You mustn't die." Even if it's tough, even if I’m crying in loneliness, deep in my heart I feel your warmth.

Cycling and flowing, the times change. I can't recall what happened anymore. But if I try closing my eyes, there's everyone's laughing voices. Somehow that's my most precious treasure now .

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Thank you for being an eternal part of my life, and a part of my eternal life.

Course, Dreams and Styles

2010-10-07T20:16:00.006+08:00

Yay! My course is half over :) but a lot of duties are waiting for me back in unit :( sigh.... not sure if I should be happy with the course ending now.

Anyway, I've been having really weird dreams recently, about my future and the way I use my time. Which is a pretty weird theme for a dream. But I hope I can act on them, because those dreams are very possibly what I really want deep down in my heart.

Also, I've been trying out new styles of writing recently, such as using chiastic sentences and periodic sentences hahas... very fun! But I'm having trouble getting my head to think of how to write like that naturally. Probably means I need more practice :)

And who can forget Dissidia 012 (Duodecim)? It's gonna be released soon, so hang on :) hahas

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It has never been my objective to record my dreams, just to realize them.

Watch

2010-10-01T21:12:00.002+08:00

Title: Watch

In the morning light,
I awoke from slumber,
A shiver went up my spine,
They were watching me.

During midday,
Under the scorching sun,
I sensed eyes upon me,
I was being watched.

At afternoon,
While eating my luncheon,
I saw them clearly now,
With their watchful gaze.

Evening has come,
I rested for the day,
A tingle at my neck,
Told me of the watch.

With the cold night,
I tucked myself in bed,
Trying to fall asleep,
Under watchers sight.

Stroke of midnight,
Their presence still linger,
Growing strong all this time,
Safeguarding my heart.

MSET

2010-09-28T22:54:00.006+08:00

I'm having my MSET course now.

MSET-Maintenance Skills Enhancement Training

Basically, means I'll be learning how to service vehicles hahas... so far I learnt quite abit of stuff :) Did you know that you spend around $100 every year to service your cars when the process and materials used cost actually around $25 at the most? hahas... and it's so easy to change the oil filter and change the dirty oil to clean oil:) hahas...

It's a 3 week course. Stay out. So I'll be around a lot hahas... so far kinda unwilling to make friends at the course... especially since we'd probably not be seeing each other again once the course ends. When all the trainees go back to their respective units.

Hahas... had a pleasant surprise today when I saw Jon Jon at the bus stop outside the camp. Apparently he has on-site training. Though we didn't talk much, I noticed his voice changed a alot! Now sounds so deep. Not kiddy like last time hahas...

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Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful. If it's bad, it's experience.

Stress, Youth and Devil

2010-09-26T11:10:00.007+08:00

Really stressful week I've had... a lot of mess ups in the paperwork and the detail clerks (a few people including me) have to clear up the mess including getting punished for being the messenger. It got so bad that one day I hid under the computer desk hoping no one noticed me. it worked for an hour or so... until I started snoring -_-lll luckily they treated it like a joke.

Moving on, I went to watch Devil recently, it was a pretty good movie, about how 5 people were trapped in an elevator and one of them is the Devil who wants to kill the other 4. And a person dies when the lights in the elevator blacks out. The show keeps viewers guessing who is the Devil and only reveals the truth at the end. Totally didn't see that coming hahas. But it's frustrating to know how young I look. It's an NC-16 movie but the ticket collector asked me for my IC. I don't even look 16? Riddiculous right? zzz...

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Not everyone who worked hard has succeeded. But all those who succeeded have worked hard.

ココロ (Kokoro) (Heart)

2010-09-17T23:58:00.005+08:00

Hahas... i'm down with Kokoro fever this week. To spread the joy i'll post the lyrics of the song in kanji, romanji and english translations. Here we go:
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Kanji translation

鏡音リン】ココロ【オリジナル曲】
詞/曲：トラボルタ

孤独な科学者に作られたロボット
出来栄えを言うなら”奇跡”

だけどまだ足りない　一つだけ出来ない
それは「心」と言うプログラム

幾百年が過ぎ
独りで残された
奇跡のロボットは願う

知リタイ　アノ人ガ
命ノ　終リマデ
私ニ　作ッテタ
「ココロ」

今　動き始めた　加速する奇跡
ナゼか　ナミダが　止まらナい・・・
ナぜ　私　震える？　加速する鼓動
こレが私の望んだ「ココロ」？

フシギ　ココロ　ココロ　フシギ
私は知った　喜ぶ事を
フシギ　ココロ　ココロ　フシギ
私は知った　悲しむ事を
フシギ　ココロ　ココロ　ムゲン
なんて深く切ない・・・

今　気付き始めた　生まれた理由を
きっと独りは寂しい
そう、あの日、あの時
全ての記憶に宿る「ココロ」が溢れ出す

今　言える　本当の言葉
捧げるあなたに

アリガトウ・・・　この世に私を生んでくれて
アリガトウ・・・　一緒に過ごせた日々を
アリガトウ・・・　あなたが私にくれた全て
アリガトウ・・・　永遠に歌う
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Romanji translation

“Kokoro”
Words/Lyrics: Toraboruta

Kodoku na kagakusha ni tsukurareta robotto
dekibae o iu nara “kiseki”

dakedo mada tarinai hitotsu dake dekinai
sore wa “kokoro” to iu puroguramu

ikuhyaku toshi ga sugi
hitori de nokosareta
kiseki no robotto wa negau

shiritai ano hito ga
inochi no owari made
watashi ni tsukutteta
“kokoro”

ima ugoki hajimeta kasoku suru kiseki
nazeka namida ga tomaranai…
naze watashi furueru? kasoku suru kodou
kore ga watashi no nozonda “kokoro”?

fushigi kokoro kokoro fushigi
watashi wa shitta yorokobu koto o
fushigi kokoro kokoro fushigi
watashi wa shitta kanashii koto o
fushigi kokoro kokoro fushigi
nande fukaku setsunai…?

ima kidzuki hajimeta umareta riyuu o
kitto hitori wa sabishii
sou, ano hi, ano toki
subete no kioku ni yadoru “kokoro” ga afuredasu

ima ieru hontou no kotoba
sasageru anata ni

arigatou… kono yo ni watashi o unde kurete
arigatou… isshoni sugoseta hibi o
arigatou… anata ga watashi ni kureta subete
arigatou… eien ni utau

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English translation

“Heart”

There was a robot created by a lonely scientist,
It was known as a “miracle”.

But something was missing, there was one thing that couldn’t be made,
And that was a “Heart”, it's a program.

A hundred years passed,
Left all alone,
The miraculous robot made a single wish:

"I want to know what he was making,
Till the very end of his life,
Making for me, this "Heart".

Now it started to move, Miracle accelerating.
Why, why won’t my tears stop flowing…?
Why am I shaking? Heartbeat accelerating?
Is this what I wished for? This "Heart"?

Mysterious heart, mysterious feelings,
Now I know how to feel joy,
Mysterious heart, mysterious feelings,
Now I know how to feel sorrow,
Mysterious heart, mysterious feelings,
They all seem so deep and painful…

Now I’m beginning to understand the reason I was born,
Being alone must truly be depressing,
Yes, on that day, at that time,
In every memory, the "Heart" that lives is overflowing.

But now, I can say true words,
And I dedicate them all to you,

Thank you… for bringing me into this world.
Thank you… for the days you spent with me.
Thank you… for everything you’ve given me
Thank you… I will sing for eternity."

*sobs*

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I don’t want to lose to despair. The fact that I’m here now as myself fills me with pride – I’m proud of it all!

【Music Box】Kokoro

2010-09-14T18:47:00.009+08:00

Aww... I've fallen in love with the music box version of Kokoro recently :) I've always liked the song, always on the lookout for its variations and remixes, the piano version, duet version, Rin version, Len version, human version, vocaloid version, karaoke version, etc. and now I have the music box version!! Hahas... oh man if only I can find out where they make actual music boxes that can play this song hahas... Maybe it's because I know the lyrics of the original song... It's a little corny maybe... but it touches my heart. Here's what it sounds like

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I dream, therefore I become.

Ramdomness

2010-09-12T20:55:00.003+08:00

.leef I woh tuoba gniwonk devlovni elpoep eht ro dad ym tuohtiw smelborp hguone tog ev'I .bf no stsop yna ekam TON OD ,siht srehpiced enoyna fI

?h uh dip ut s y tte rP .re h e vo l llits I taht em ot se vor p ti esu ac eb ,ni a p siht le ef ot tn aw I t a ht nwo d p eed wo nk I ...w on ob m il a ni kc ut s m'I os dn A .rey arp taht eka m di d I fi etir cop yh a eb d'I .won doG ni thgir t'nsi tra eh ym tub ,ti ev ei cer yl er us lliw I ,ecn atp ec ca rof ya rp I fi taht won k I .riaps d ot da el lliw w onk I taht e poh siht evah llits I ,dib rof-doG dnA .ys ae taht t'nsi hturt siht gnidn atsre dnu (detc ilfni-fles ylts om) truh yl laer leef I hgu oht ,won ss enip pah nu de erb ylno lliw pih snoit aler a g nic rof ...gn ikae ps yl lac igol ...re tteb wo nk I tuB .sem it w ef ts ap e ht di d ti ekil pils ytin utro ppo si ht tel ot ton d na w on ecna hc a tog I em sl let tI .sgn iht dip uts eso ht yle sic erp od ot em s egar uoc ne dna ne tsil t'ns eod tra eh ym ...dn e dluo w pih sdn eirf ruo neve di pu ts g nihte mos od I fi dn a em it eht t'nsi won ta ht syas d aeh ym hg uohT .yltne cer fb re h htiw pu ek orb de vol I lri g a ,ylla niF

.efil si siht sse ug I tub ,rev erof tsal dlu oc re htegot dn uora gni loof t ne ps ew syad eht h siw I .skc us yllae r gnol os rof nwo nk ev'I dne irf a gnis ol fo gni le ef eht tub ,siht tu oba yas ot tahw won k t'nod yllaer I .ero m yna ne tfo sa kl at ro ses ms ot ylper t'ndid I esu aceb tsuj erom yn a sdne irf eb ton dluo hs ew taht de diced yltn ecer enim fo dn eirf esolc yll aer A

.en od neeb yda erla sah ega mad eht tuB .etal acse t'nse od me lbo rp eht ts ael ta os dni k ni tca er ot ton yrt I ,em gnin etae rht trats dna ffo de ssip steg eH .mih ot ti gni ss ap erofeb tsop ym hsi nif ot tn aw I os ,gn igg olb m'I ,elpm axe roF .sesim orp moc ym seron gi ssel ro er om dna ,yletai dem mi sna em eh ,ti esu ot stn aw eh nehW .pm ac ni yats a ni m'I ecnis sdne keew eht gnir ud ti esu ylno nac I hgu oht neve ,retup moc eht esu ot gnitnaw spe ek eH .yltnecer htiw tuo gnign ah nee b s'eh ynap moc dab eht no ti ema lb I ,ts ap eht ni er ofeb siht ekil t'ns aw eH .gnir een imod dna em ot ci tsacra s yrev gn ieb mih ,yltne cer sgnid natsre dnu sim ynam evah em dna dad yM

.e sruoc gniv ird morf denru ter tsuj I woh sa gniees hcum en od evah t'n dluoc I naem I ,meht dneffo ot did I tahw w onk t'nod I ...hgiS .os od ot mih gni garuoc ne era pmac ni elp oep eht taht pleh t'ns eod ti ,noitp irc sed boj ym fo trap nev e t'nsi hcihw ym no kr ow gnili p si dna ym sekilsid tnaegres yM .em dn uora elp oep eht yb truh yll aer neeb ev'I yltnec eR

.tam rof esrev er sih t ni tuo swo rros ym lla ruop ll'I ss eug I .eru tan evit isnes sti ot eud t'nac tub yas ot tnaw I sgn iht yn am ,ll eW
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Your dreams are like fire, it waxes and wanes, appears in a blaze of glory and disappears like an illusion of the night.

AHM (Army Half Marathon)

2010-09-11T21:22:00.006+08:00

Running tomorrow, probably doing a 10km run or a 21km run. Not entirely sure which but I'll probably not be able to finish anyway. Zzz... I haven't been training my stamina in driving course, I guess I can manage 5km or so, maybe even 7km. But 10 or 21 is a little overboard don't you think?

Well, life isn't going all that well for me right now, been feeling really down recently, stuff with some friends and family. Feeling really hurt that the people I care about just don't care or even look down on me. Which are the same people I respect and love.

I feel so useless and sad that no matter how much I try... I can't please everybody that matter to me. Most of the time it's not even my fault. I'm in NS now and so I'm forced to work within the system. Just because I'm back in my slack unit doesn't mean I can go out to entertain people anytime I want. So I'd really appreciate it if people can understand that though they probably can't or won't.

I'm just feeling sick of so many things now, maybe running till my legs get torn apart tomorrow would make me feel better. Yeah, I guess that's what I'll do. Yup enough whining, good night.

True Feelings

2010-09-10T16:19:00.002+08:00

Title: True Feelings

I have forgotten so much,
The dying beauty of the sunset,
The triumphant glory of the rising sun,
All are lost in the sea of my memories.

I have given up so much,
The willingness to share my life,
The peaceful acceptance in my soul,
All surrendered to a dark past.

I have hated so much,
The simple reality of my existence,
The waxing and waning of my desires,
All are undeniable yet pointless.

I have learnt so much,
The bonds with others that cause pain,
The compassion for others a torture,
All are fleeting in the sands of time.

I have wished for so much,
The tender touch of true love,
The beating of my destined heart,
All feel ethereal within my grasp.

But when I know my true feelings,
On that day at that time,
I’ll give them all to you,
Then I can pass my words on to eternity.

~~~

A poem inspired by KOKORO hahas... about someone who learns about emotions and dedicated them to her creator :)

My Top 10 Favourite Anime Guys

2010-09-06T18:58:00.022+08:00

But first... let me talk a little on what's been happening. I finished driving course, I can drive 4 kinds of military vehicles now, two class 3 and two class 4 vehicles hahas... and my birthday passed a few weeks ago, had a nice time with everyone who celebrated with me. Life Group performed a (pokemon themed) skit for me and I got a Poliwag shirt from them, Jerold gave me a book by John Grisham (a really good read), Stephanie gave me a necklace and a display sword, Yu Xian's present is still pending, Rey got me a new wallet and treated me to lunch, my bro also treated me to lunch and we watched a movie and Bernice treated me to lunch too as well as got me playing DDR hahas... Thanks to all of you, love you guys! Hahas... okok... now on with my list :)
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#10

Name: Loke
Anime: Fairy Tail
Age: Timeless
What I like: A celestial spirit (hence the timeless age), he is very loyal to his friends, to the point that he would willingly let harm come to himself to protect those he cares for. He used to be flirtatious, but that was because it was a trait he picked up from his previous master. I like him because he looks cool and can be very passionate when truly in love (though one-sided).

#9

Name: Asakura Hao
Anime: Shaman King
Age: 13
What I like: Has a god-complex and wants to control the world and has the power to back that claim up, power to destroy and remake the world along with the power to read minds. Calm, cruel and usually all smiles, to me he is more or less the epitome of "power" in anime universe.

#8

Name: Mifune
Anime: Soul Eater
Age: Middle-aged (probably around 35 to 40)
What I like: Mifune is the archetypical "strong, silent type", consummately stoic and professional but with a weakness for children. As a man, he sees himself as a protector of the defenseless, especially children. A powerful samurai, he uses a unique style of fighting where he only uses 1 katana to fight and at the same time using an infinite number of katana (hard to explain, watch the anime). I like his philosophy of life and well... I like kids too hahas.

#7

Name: Usui Takumi
Anime: Kaicho wa Maid-sama!
Age: 17
What I like: Usui is a very secretive person. He is also a very popular boy in school because of his looks and talent, and although he is as popular as he is, he doesn't let it go to his head. Actually, he seems to think the whole popularity-thing is rather troublesome. Usui is one of the best students in his school, if not the best, excelling in most subjects and sports. He excels in playing chess, the violin, cooking, formal table etiquette as well as most sports. He is a quarter British and is able to speak English fluently. He likes observing. Epic is the word I use to describe him.

#6

Name: Accelerator
Anime: Toaru Majutsu no Index
Age: 16
What I like: Accelerator has been targeted by assassins and researchers throughout his life. As a result, he believes only in power and trusts no one. He willingly joined the experiment to gain a reputation as the most powerful and feared psychic that no one would dare be foolish enough to challenge him. In his own way, he's a pacifist since he wants to be so strong that no one would fight him anymore and so he won't have to hurt anyone else. I admire the way he tries hard to reach to the light though it rejects him. And the way he is borderline psychotic hahas... And his white hair XD

#5

Name: Archer
Anime: Fate/stay Night
Age: Timeless
What I like: Possesses a personality that is thoroughly realistic, but at the same time devoted and even a little bit childish, to the point that makes him hard to hate. Doesn't lie but does keep secrets. Sarcastic but that is just his way to give advice. I've got a thing with white hair on guys so I was immediately attracted to his character design. I like his strong presence.

#4

Name: Ayasaki Hayate
Anime: Hayate no Gotoku!
Age: 16
What I like: Hayate is a very selfless and generous person, always trying to help others in need even if it means causing harm to himself. He is very independent and skilled in many things, i.e being a good cook, housekeeper, and he can even identify fake works of art among many others. However, Hayate is rather dense when it comes to love. His poor empathy is always troubling him as he always misunderstands the feelings of people around him. This is probably because of his innocent personality and inexperience with girl's thoughts and feelings.

#3

Name: Allen Walker
Anime: D.Gray-Man
Age: 16
What I like: Allen is nice, caring, and well-mannered, always polite. He always thinks of the lives of others before himself, often putting himself in harm's way for other people's sakes. After his family had abandoned him because of his strange left arm, he was sent to a foster home. On Christmas day, when Allen was 7, he was adopted by a travelling circus performer named Mana. However, Mana died four years later. He always remembers his promise to Mana, which is to always continue to walk, to move forward. I wish I had his strength and convictions... and white hair :(

#2

Name: Hibari Kyoya
Anime: Katekyo Hitman Reborn!
Age: 16
What I like: He is the leader of the Discipline Committee, which are formed out of a group of delinquents who all are loyal to Hibari. He prefers to be alone and cares little for his subordinates. He loves his hometown more than anything and will often say "I'll bite you to death," or "kamikorosu," to those that disturb the school. Hibari is very proud of his school and is apparently the only person who likes their school's anthem, even using it as his ringtone. He's like a cloud which drifts anywhere it pleases... I envy his freedom.

#1

Name: Cloud Strife
Anime: Final Fantasy VII
Age: 21
What I like: Cloud is a much more somber and dark character, tormented by his past. But despite the dark feelings he may have, Cloud remains steadfastly loyal and true to those he cares about and is always driven to protect them, even going as far as to hide his pain and emotions so he could not worry them. Overall, while he has a rather moody demeanor, he does have a sense of humour. He reminds me of myself in the past... I'm glad I've changed a lot since then, but I still can identify many of my weaknesses in Cloud, I want to be stronger, strong enough to overcome my lack of confidence, and to overcome my fear of my own heart.
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Thank you for being born into this world, for the days we went through together, for everything you gave me, and for your sincere heart.

My Top 10 Favourite Anime Girls

2010-06-27T19:51:00.028+08:00

Hahas... My last post before starting my driving course, and it's my longest post to date hahas... All of a sudden I had this inspiration to make this list and I've decided to follow through before it runs out. Without further ado, here they are hahas.
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#10

Name: Maehara Shinobu
Anime: Love Hina
Age: 13
What I like: Quiet and shy, she is overly caring of others' feelings and this contributes to her own emotional frailty. She's a good cook since her parents own a restaurant. Sincere and cute(just look at her sleeping face hahas). Her frail nature brings out the protective feelings in me :)

#9

Name: Tohsaka Rin
Anime: Fate/Stay Night
Age: 15
What I like: Works hard to be accepted among her peers, a talented but tomboyish mage. Smart, resourceful and perceptive. Whether it's eating lunch or in a bloody mess, she still looks good hahas... Has a tsundere personality, which I like :P

#8

Name: Miyazaki Nodoka
Anime: Negima! Magister Negi Magi
Age: 14
What I like: She possesses knowledge of a wide variety of topics from her constant reading, so she's a bookworm just like me hahas. She's really shy and usually uses her hair to hide her eyes, but shows them as she gains confidence. Quiet and kind. If I do meet someone like her we'll probably hit it off well due to common interest and personality.

#7

Name: Tifa Lockheart
Anime: Final Fantasy VII
Age: 20
What I like: There are many dimensions to Tifa's character. She's like a mother, a sweetheart, and a close ally in battle. She has a very shy character and does not express her feelings often, as she often has trouble doing so. But she works hard to care for those she loves. Really sweet. Maybe this is bias on my part since she's from FFVII hahas...

#6

Name: Misaka Mikoto
Anime: Toaru Kagaku no Railgun
Age: 15
What I like: Tomboyish and also a tsundere. She has a strong sense of justice and the power(she controls electricity) to enforce it. Though she doesn't admit it, she is very fond of cute/childish things such as flowery pajamas or Gekota(a popular frog franchise). I like cute stuff too hahas...

#5

Name: Ayuzawa Misaki
Anime: Kaicho wa Maid-sama!
Age: 16
What I like: Student Council President of her school, she is widely respected for her exceptional academic ability, great athletic skill and her many accomplishments as president. Does her 100% best in whatever she does (even minor events in sports day). Has a tendency to forget her own well being in the process of helping others. Another tsundere(see a pattern?). I wasn't really attracted to her character at first but she grew onto me after awhile :D

#4

Name: Lenalee Lee
Anime: D.Gray-man
Age: 16
What I like: A beautiful and graceful Chinese Christian, she has strong feelings of friendship. She mentioned that her perception of the "world" consists of her friends and family; whenever one of her friends dies, it seems to her as if a part of her world has been destroyed. Can tell that she values bonds with people. I love her hair too hahas...

#3

Name: Tachibana Kanade
Anime: Angel Beats!
Age: ???
What I like: It is difficult to understand what she is thinking due to her rarely showing any outward emotion. She spends her free time gardening. But she's SOOOOO CUTE!!! hahas... maybe it's just the hormones talking, but although I don't know what I really like about her, I can't help but feel a strong attraction to her character.

#2

Name: Fate Testarossa
Anime: Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha
Age: 19
What I like: A gentle girl who loves her mother despite the latter's ill-treatment of her. She is fiercely loyal to friends and goes all out to defend the people she cares. I like her sincere nature and pure love to her mother(though misplaced). I cried at the scene where her mother tortured her T_T

#1

Name: Katsura Hinagiku
Anime: Hayate no Gotoku!
Age: 16
What I like: HINA-CHAN!!!! Hahas... my all time favourite so far, she's an expert in kendo but apart from suffering from acrophobia, she's very capable in everything, including cooking, sports and studies. She became the student council president of her school in her freshman year and is the unofficial school idol who garners fans from both genders (guys find her beautiful and girls find her cool). She's a tomboyish tsundere and finds it hard to come to terms with her feelings(which sets up many funny situations which shows off her cute side). I love her straight forward personality and her kawaii looks. People may criticise her being flat, but that doesn't really bother me hahas(I mean just look at the rest of the girls in my list, 6 of them had recieved similar criticisms). An independent girl who doesn't really go overboard, embarassed at showing her soft side but pleased when people notices. I really like her personality and looks :)
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Never let the fear of failure be an excuse for not trying. Society tells us that to fail is the most terrible thing in the world, but I know it isn't. Failure is part of what makes us human.

Really Really Tiring Week...

2010-06-17T19:17:00.004+08:00

I had a very draining week... let me break it down.

Sunday- Had a "round-the-clock" guard duty (see last post) (2hours sleep)

Monday- Guard duty again (2.5hours sleep)

Tuesday- Guard duty once more (2hours sleep)

Wednesday- My new closet arrived, so I transfered the stuff. I also met up with Bernice, for lunch and shopping (even though I didn't buy anything hahas). Then I made my way to PM. I was so tired from lack of sleep that I fell asleep while eating dinner.

Thursday- Went to Sembawang Army Camp for my Driving Course Briefing. I made my way there through "illegal" methods hahas... probably not a good idea to say too much of it here hahas...

Friday(tommrrow)- Meeting Jerrold, Yu Xian and Wei Xiong along with my brother to watch Karate Kid and have a buffet! Hahas... I guess this'll be my last outing before I start my driving course... sigh... a pity, I've just gotten back into the mood for blogging regularly :(
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There are many things that can't be helped. So we had better work on the things that can.

A Great Week!

2010-06-12T22:23:00.006+08:00

Had a really great week...

Monday- I met up with Julian and Jerrold for dinner during nights out, we ate like vacuum cleaners hahas... all the noodles we ordered had a survival rate of 1min per plate.

Tuesday- I went to watch Prince of Persia with Stephanie, as usual she was late, but we were just in time for the movie :)

Wednesday- I ended up in church for prayer meeting, we had a nice dinner eating cheap but good pasta hahas.

Thursday- I took a day off to get my A level cert in MI. Not bad looking but could be better.

Friday- I fulfilled a promise made a long time ago to a treasured friend.

Saturday- Great and tiring time at church, had 2 overseas pastors preach in 3 services and the impact from those messages sent huge shock waves in my life hahas...

Sunday(tomorrow)- I'm doing 24hr guard duty :(

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God, give me the strength to deal with all the idiots who cross my path.

Covenant

2010-06-04T23:40:00.003+08:00

Title: Covenant

Forge with me a covenant,
That transcends all limitations.
In return I’ll give you strength,
And as your supporter,
I will serve you forever!

Henceforth we embark on a journey,
Of growth, discovery and wonder.
While you learn to rely on me,
I will strive to be worthy of you,
Together we mould our destinies.

Adapting to one another gradually,
Our feelings and souls will resonate.
Just as my smile mirrors yours,
Your heartbeat echoes mine,
In time we shall become one.

Even if the world becomes your enemy,
I will still choose to protect you.
This is my promise,
So please just stay there,
Smiling like you always do.

Focus on your dreams,
Believe that they will come true.
So dry your eyes my friend,
As I am ever by your side,
And I will never let you down.

~~~

A poem I've written a long time ago to remind me to be faithful to the promises I've made to my friends :)

Life in Unit

2010-05-16T11:04:00.005+08:00

Now that I'm in my unit, I find life much more relaxed as compared to BMT. I'm now a driver for the Air Force, but I haven't gone through my driving course, so I spend my days playing my PSP from 8am to 6pm. It's a good life.

I met many nice people here, as well as a few messed up ones, but the people there are ok overall. Just some backstabbers I've got to watch out for. Hmm... apparently the bunk is haunted, but after living there for a month I haven't seen anything. Maybe because they're scared of me lol. Then again it's a little creepy staying in a place where there are 3 cemeteries surrounding the camp.

I really wish I have the motivation to update this blog more often, but seeing things as they are, I have really little time now, especially since my camp is a stay-in camp with no internet access unlike BMT.

Still, I'll do my best. Maybe I'll post more about the people I meet there next time hahas... there're certainly lots of interesting people hahas
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If people talk behind your back, it simply means you are several steps ahead of them.

Finally Out

2010-04-17T20:11:00.004+08:00

Finally I'm out of BMT. Had a nice last week in and out of the sick bay lol. Well... things developed this way: I had high fever (39.8 degrees) and was sent to the sick bay. There were 2 trainee medics who had a table discussion on which vein to poke the needle in in order to put me on the IV drip.

They poked my right hand.

It was the wrong vein.

I freaked out.

Blood spurted everywhere.

The medics appeared relaxed, but I can tell they were freaking out too.

They poked my left arm, and got the right vein this time.

And so I spent a night at the sick bay. The next morning I woke up and was discharged, and directly after that we had some prize giving at the parade square under the hot sun. I passed out and was sent to the sick bay again, the medics were surprised to see me back so soon but this time they got a more experienced medic to insert the needle, thankfully it only took one attempt this time.

I spent another night in the sick bay and missed the 24km route march as well as the passing out parade. I was discharged in the afternoon and I had to carry a freaking heavy bag home. Hahas... that was the end of my BMT experience. Well... I guess it was unique hahas...

I spent this week slacking and meeting up with some friends, but not much... majority of my time was spent recuperating at home. And I got my posting yesterday hahas... it looks like I'm going to be a driver for the air force hahas... prestigious and slack, just the way I like it. And what's more, if all goes well, the SAF would give me my licence while I'm still serving hahas...

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Blessed is the person who is too busy to worry in the daytime, and too sleepy to worry at night.

It's Been Awhile

2010-03-21T10:15:00.003+08:00

I has certainly been awhile since I last blogged hahas... many things have happened these past 6 weeks in BMT. Met a lot of wonderful people, a lot of sickening ones and generally had a lot of fun. I had already finished most of my high-key events such as live firing, field camp and my situational test. Now all that's left is my hand grenade throwing next week.

But in all those weeks, booking out of camp was always the most anticipated day of the week hahas... just spending time with my family, or catching up on manga, or just having a good night's sleep. All these are what I took for granted in my days before NS. Well... I only have 3 weeks left before I pass out of BMT, so I hope I can hang on till then.

Really hope I can have more time to post something more substantial next time... Been out of touch of blogging for far too long hahas...
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The condition for a miracle is difficulty. For a great miracle, impossibility.

National Service

2010-02-03T17:16:00.006+08:00

I'm going to Tekong tomorrow, hahas... I still remember when I was 5-years-old and wondering what NS life would be like, and now that it's in my face it all feels so surreal. Hmm... but no worries, I'll be back before anyone notices I'm gone hahas... Sigh... I just wish I had more time to meet the people I want to meet, work on the projects I want to work on, join the work groups I want to join, and eat the food I want to eat... hahas...

Well... Just some info I want to give: The Love Triangle Debate is Over: Cloud Loves Tifa more than Aerith. Hahas... this has been the oft asked question on every FF7 fan's lips. But now the debate is over (Source:http://thelifestream.net/ffvii-advent-children-complete/6139/this-just-in-the-love-triangle-debate-over/#more-6139 )

Wow... A mainstream game like FF7 had such mature themes, who would have guessed? hahas... But I'm glad that the debate is over. hahas... I'll post the next time I have the chance to... Don't miss me people hahas

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You can't seek strength if you have nothing to be strong for.

I Will Find You

2010-01-31T17:12:00.002+08:00

Title: I Will Find You

You were afraid that you would disappear,
That you would be lost and forgotten.

I held you tight against the dark,
And said that I would always come for you.

Then one day it happened,
You were torn from my arms and vanished.

Maybe you don’t remember my promise,
But I meant every word.

I hope you’re not afraid wherever you are,
You don’t need to be.

I’m not.
I will find you.

Running Away

2010-01-28T00:13:00.003+08:00

You would often hear "running away is bad" wouldn't you? That's fine. I have already ran away from so much.

Do I regret it? Clearly.

My heart was always out of it. That's why I ran away back then. No matter how many years have passed, I still remember it.

But because there are regrets, we work towards preventing future ones. I worked hard to forget that feeling. That's why it's good to run away sometimes. You can shape up strength. And with that you could be more complete as a person.

To tell you the truth... I worry too much about what others think of me. I hate that side of me... That's why I didn't want anyone to get to know me. I wanted to hide that side of myself. I hate it.

"Anderson is an unfriendly, introverted guy." It made it easy for me when people perceived me that way.

That's a secret between you and me. Got that?
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We may seem unfortunate to others and carry a deep wound in our hearts, but where we stand now isn't that bad at all, is it?

Realization

2010-01-23T01:49:00.002+08:00

Title: Realization

Someone once declared…
That he was scared of making promises,
He felt that his words were like chains,
Burdens which were binding and permanent.
But doesn’t it feel satisfying?
When you can faithfully carry out those oaths?

He also said…
That he dreads the future,
To him the future is like a whirlpool,
Confusing and yet undeniable.
But isn’t it exciting?
Molding a destiny of your choosing?

That guy told me…
That he was afraid of falling in love,
Letting his heart be in the hands of another,
The potential of hurt too much to handle.
But it must feel great right?
Being set free from all the suffering of life?

I was and am that person,
But now I will fear no longer.

No Regrets!

2010-01-22T00:45:00.004+08:00

Hahas... it has indeed been a busy week filled with tiredness, fun, peace, silence, noise, tension, and sad good-byes...

Going to NS in 2 weeks time really makes me think a lot on what has happened so far in my life... With the dawning of a new lifestyle, my life till now feels so short, and at the same time trying. The feelings of loneliness and companionship, peace and despair, inspiration and disappointment, all made me who I am today. Though I may not be perfect, though I'm still a pessimist to an extent, I'm glad that this is how I turned out.

If I could turn back time and live my life all over again, being faced with the same choices and decisions, I would surely have made them. I guess this is what it means to live life free of regrets. Making lifetime friends(and enemies), falling in(and out of) love, just being alive. All these have impacted me so much, and yet, I don’t want to lose to despair. The fact that I’m here now as myself fills me with pride – I’m proud of it all!
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You don't have to suffer to be a poet; adolescence is enough suffering for anyone.

Planned week

2010-01-18T15:25:00.005+08:00

Gonna have a long week this week. Hahas... hope my wallet can survive zzz...

Monday- Meeting Stephanie for a movie, most likely we're watching "The Spy Next Door"

Tuesday- Looking up Ian at the Singapore River in the morning, just to enjoy the silence and scenery, and later meeting Yu Yan for dinner, she got her 1st paycheck and wanted to treat me before I go into NS.

Wednesday- (Possibly) meeting Kong Sheng for lunch and in the evening I'll be part of the group filming the video for a certain someones birthday.

Thursday- Going out with my brother to buy his new headphones as well as going to my grandma's birthday party organised by all the grandchildren hahas...

Friday- Nothing yet... maybe I'll go out and enjoy the silent night...

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Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

To me

2010-01-15T00:11:00.005+08:00

Title: To me

To me,
She's like the sun.
She's always honest to her feelings.
She's like a bright, shining light.
I want to see what that ray of light will bring in the end.
Together with her.

To me,
I'm like the night.
I'm always hiding my feelings.
I'm like a dark, concealing shroud.
I want to see what that shroud will be pierced by in the end.
Alone by myself.

To me,
We're like the twilit sky.
We're always confused over our feelings.
We're like an ancient, faded mirror.
I want to see what that mirror will reflect in the end.
With everyone else.
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This poem is inspired by Pandora Hearts. One of the characters said something similar to the first stanza, the moment I heard it I thought to myself,"That's so beautiful!" and after I let my imagination run a little I made this poem. Hahas...

Discussion: Circles of Control

2010-01-14T02:03:00.012+08:00

As a guy I face pressures in life that I cannot escape from, such as being a defender of the people close to me, or going to NS, or being a good role model for my younger brother. Some things I cannot escape from and even if I feel unprepared to face it, it is beyond my control.

Pressures are always placed upon us no matter where we go or how old we get in life. To the extent that we sometimes feel that we just can't take any more and start to break down. There are always many things beyond our control, it is simply a fact of life.

Let's take a look at some of the things I struggle with as a guy:

Some things are really messed up, such as the weather and NS. Some troublesome, such as studies. And some daunting, such as being a breadwinner. But as if that's not enough, as a Christian I face pressures as a result of my faith that are outside my circle of control as well:

So just what am I supposed to do? If my life is so confined by what I can't control and since nearly everything is not under my power to decide anyway... Why don't I just drift through life? It's not like my choices can make a difference anyway...

WRONG!

If people start thinking in this way, it means that they have started to confine themselves and bind their free will with self-made chains. We have to admit that there are things that we cannot control, and those things can't be helped. But never forget that we always have our choices. Instead of focusing on the things we cannot control. We should pay more attention on the things we can.

We can control the way we think. Something which separates humans from animals is the ability to think and reason beyond emotion. Instead of reacting to the situations in life with hostility, apprehension or, indeed, reacting at all, we should instead be directing the course of our lives.

I know it's a little deep, let me give an analogy: You slapped a person. If that person is someone who reacts, he/she would probably slap you back, or cry, or get angry. But if that person is someone who directs, then he/she would consider the implications of reacting, such as the consequences, or the sequence of events leading up to the slap, maybe you had a valid reason for slapping him/her, maybe reacting based on emotion would destroy what relationship the both of you have left. Bearing this in mind, that person would choose to direct their emotions and effort to try to settle the issue in the best way possible, refusing to give in to their base emotions.

The Bible says that,"He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but he who walks wisely will be delivered."(Proverbs 28:26) The world tells us to "Follow your heart!" or "Trust in your feelings!". And just because it sounds noble and romantic many people do choose to follow it. The problem is that following your heart usually means chasing after whatever feels right at the moment whether or not it's actually right. It means throwing caution and conscience to the wind and pursuing your latest desires and whims regardless of what good logic and counsel are saying.

Following this line of thought, to decide to put more weight in what your heart as compared to your head is foolish. Emotions often tell us what we truly desire at the moment, and they can be a useful guide for good decisions. But they must first be tempered by experience and, whenever the chance arises, time to use our brains to analyse and think things through in their entirety.

We are not animals that live our lives based on instinct and emotion alone. We are humans that have the ability to direct the course of our lives. We may make good decisions and just as often make bad ones, but no matter what our choices are, we are the ones who decide it, and those decisions are what's within our circle of control.

We may not be able to control what happens to us, but we can control our attitude towards it. And to a greater extent, we always can alter things that are even outside our circle of control.

Take family for example, we may not be able to control what kind of family we're born into, but we can control the way we build our relationship with our family.

Another example would be the weather, we can't control when it rains or shines, but we can control whether or not we'll get wet or stay dry by choosing to bring an umbrella out.

We can't control everything, but we can influence it in some way or another. The key is to have the right attitude to deal with the things we can control, instead of brooding on the things we can't. Also, attitude comes from conscious knowledge which comes from the mind, not the heart.

The heart can teach us many things, but it cannot and should not teach us how to live our lives. The only exception to this is when your heart finds something bigger than itself, something worth dying for. That's when the heart can pursue it with all it's determination and hope.
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Change your thoughts and you change your world.

A Loving Heart

2010-01-11T17:13:00.008+08:00

Title: A Loving Heart

My heart will no longer be straying
Now I live life aligned to calling

Storms will surely come void of warning
Leaving me behind twisted burning

Friends will speak to me concerning
All my world to ashes turning

Even with endless suffering
Let my lips cry out in blessing

I lean not on my own understanding
But put trust the Lord’s higher planning

Let my mind be transformed by renewing
Never again to this world conforming

My light against the darkness glowing
A beacon to all the lost despairing

Though my passing life may be fleeting
It doesn’t make it less worth living

Every new day I will be praying
That my weak heart can keep on loving

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Wow... I think this is the 1st time I wrote a poem that actually rhymes. Hahas... just a little thought I had when I wrote it...

Poems to me are just my way of illustrating and venting my emotions... some people have gaming, some sports, some work, some cut themselves, some cry, some rage... I have poems hahas...

I was thinking of my world going up in flames and everything burning to ashes. General suffering and torment hounding me every waking moment and nightmares intrude my mind in slumber. But I chose to continue living righteously and happily. And to do that is to simply love life. No matter what storms come my way, this is the only life I have, and I refuse to give in to despair and waste away the sands of time in my life especially on things I have no control over.

I think I'll give a little discussion on the circles of control we have in our life in the next post... it's gonna be good... because it's something I need to hear as well hahas... I'll give a little preview:

As a guy I face pressures in life that I cannot escape from, such as being a defender of the people close to me, or going to NS, or being a good role model for my younger brother. Some things I cannot escape from and even if I feel unprepared to face it, it is beyond my control.

So what the heck am I supposed to do?

Hahas... I'll continue in the next post.
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Scars indicate where we've been. They don't dictate where we're going.

Anime Marathon

2010-01-08T22:47:00.006+08:00

I've been more or less spending my holidays having an anime marathon^^ hahas... So far I finished a lot of old anime that have been long since finished its season run. Let me give a list:

1)Zero no Tsukaima
2)Zero no Tsukaima: Futatsuki no Kishi
3)Zero no Tsukaima: Princess no Rondo
4)Toaru Majutsu no Index
5)Star Ocean EX
6)The Sacred Blacksmith
7)Seitokai no Ichizon
8)Kiba
9)Kemono no Souja Erin
10)Demonbane

Yup that is the list of anime I've finished during the holidays. As for anime I'm following:

1)Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood
2)Fairy Tail
3)Toaru Kagaku no Railgun
4)Naruto
5)Bleach
6)Katekyoushi Hitman Reborn!
7)Yu-Gi-Oh! 5ds
8)One Piece

Hmm... I guess that's all ba... On the anime series I've finished watching... I'll give a brief review on the more memorable ones^^ hahas:

1)Zero no Tsukaima
2)Zero no Tsukaima: Futatsuki no Kishi
3)Zero no Tsukaima: Princess no Rondo
These 3 are 3 seasons of the same series. The setting is in another world where social classes are determined by ability in magic. People capable of using magic are called "nobles" while non-magic users are called "commoners".

The story takes place in this magical academy where the second year students are going through a ceremony to summon their familiars(AKA guardian beast). The main heroine, Louise, being a noble yet crappy in magic summoned hers. Enter Saito, a teenage boy going home from a computer store in Tokyo, where he sees a weird portal thing in the middle of the street. He touches it and gets teleported to Louise's world as her familiar.

Louise, who was hoping for something more impressive(like a dragon, griffin, kraken, etc.) became really embarrassed. Since she was already deemed a "failure" as a mage by her classmates, this only solidified that thinking. She turns her negative feelings on to Saito and treats him like a slave. Making him do the laundry, not letting him eat, general slave stuff, she even has a whip to top it all off.

As the series progresses, they fall in love (O_o I was surprised at this development too). And yet each is too embarrassed to admit it to each other(which gives rise to really cute situations hahas).

I cried at the end of the second season, because Saito sacrificed his life to protect Louise. The whole thing played out really nicely, and though I knew it was coming(thanks to wikipedia), I still can't help but cry at that development. Overall a really nice series^^

5)Star Ocean EX
I was playing Star Ocean: Second Evolution on my PSP. When I realised that there was an anime adaption of the game. So what is a gamer fan-boy to do? I did what every self-respecting nerd would do in my place. Torrent it^^

It was really really really old. And that made it hard to find. The voices were terrible(every girl sounds either too high pitched or seductive for no reason and every guy sounds like they're going through puberty). But passion for the game(and the urge to see what each characters' special attack look like in the anime) sustained me.

Like nearly every anime which is a game adaption(ie. Brave Story, Clannad, etc.).It features a "scammer" ending. For more details on what a "scammer" ending is, watch Shaman King or Flame of Recca.

9)Kemono no Souja Erin
Now this is a good anime. It's about this girl called Erin who loves animals and one day hopes to be an animal doctor like her mother.

It takes place in a fantasy setting. Not going to say much here... Just that it's a really good anime on Erin growing up and learning the meaning of life and standing firm to her beliefs. Really touching, heartwarming and yet sad at the same time... hahas...

Ooooook I guess I'm done here... hahas...
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Living a strong life means being able to smile no matter the circumstance.

Ambiguous Dream

2010-01-07T10:34:00.004+08:00

Title: Ambiguous Dream

I once had a small dream,
I dreamt that I was surrounded by people,
They loved me sincerely without agenda,
And I loved them back without reservation.

When I awoke the dream still felt vivid,
It filled me with longing and hope,
But the sobering reality of life hit me,
And I drowned in the nightmare of living.

As the days come and go,
Distress kept building up,
And only time passes by,
Leaving behind a lone voice of this dream.

I have always kept it in my heart,
Using it as a source of inner strength.
Whenever things seem hopeless,
It gives me the push I needed to go on.

It was just a small dream,
Too ambiguous to call a goal.
It nevertheless was the dream,
That saw me through my battles in life.

Hope =/= Despair

2010-01-06T07:54:00.009+08:00

I haven't cried in a long long time,
But I did so last night.

It caught me by surprise as well,
I didn't expect to succumb to my emotions this easily.

I thought that I had mastered my heart,
It turns out not to be the case.

It hurt much deeper than I had expected,
Perhaps it was due to too much hope?

But somewhere deep down inside my heart,
I had already given up a long time ago.

I was just being too stubborn I suppose,
Holding on when I should have let go.

But even after everything is said and done,
This is just part and parcel of life.

A long time ago I learnt that:

Despair can only be achieved after consistent and prolonged disappointment.

I reckon that I should just move on,

It's funny how that has been happening to me a lot recently.

This isn't a poem by the way,
I'll just end off with a quote by Vincent Valentine.
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Too much hope is the opposite of despair... an overpowering love may consume you in the end.

Movies, schooling and outings

2010-01-05T17:17:00.003+08:00

Been having movie marathons recently... hahas... I already watched nearly all the new shows and I'm still waiting for more^^

It has been really fun... going out with people I don't usually spend much time with, learning more about them and being better friends^^ hahas...

I've watched Sherlock Holmes with Jerold, Jing Quan, Wei Xiong, Stephanie and Ming Yi. Princess and the frog with Yu Yan. And everything else I watched by myself^^

Been really worried about my poly friends who're having exams now just as they start school. Like Jerold who has his practical and theory in physical education(lol I know it sounds wrong), Bernice with her history and literature, Wei Xiong with his biomedical sciences and Bryan with his FYP. They're all like so stressed out and it's like all I can do is to stay out of their way and hope they'll do their best T_T. Sometimes I wish I can do more to help...

Anyway school for all my secondary school 弟弟 and 妹妹 has started, since they slacked their holidays away I'm sure they have no regrets hahas... most of them having O levels this year... guess this is the last time they can slack ba... poor kids.

Hmm... It's still hard to find time for everyone... B-man calling me constantly for bowling sessions, Kong Sheng asking to meet up with me for discipleship, Hau-ge wanting me to help out in the cafe, Daren organising K-box and so much more... sigh... what's sad is that for most of them I just don't have an interest in doing (I mean come on... Ming Yu singing karaoke?? I dun wanna wake the dead you know? hahas)

So I have no idea if I'm actually free or not... sigh... I really want to spend more time with my close friends especially before I enter NS... But I feel bad constantly intruding into their lives when they have their own stuff to do... But no matter what I'll still keep my promises^^ hahas...

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Those who love you are people who see you for who you are and no matter what,always find a way to be at your side

Resolutions for 2010

2010-01-03T20:31:00.004+08:00

I know I said that I would list my Christmas present takings in this post, but I changed my mind. Hahas...

Well... and so we entered into a new year. Many changes will take place it'll probably be just as bad as last year. Note: I am not being pessimistic, it's just the unblemished truth.

Bad things happen year after year, but what changes is our experience on how to deal with them. What caused me grief before won't do so now because I know how to handle it based on past experiences. Am I making myself clear? hahas...

I have never placed much weight in making New Year resolutions because they usually don't come true if I don't settle them within the first two months in the year and by then, more and obligations will be placed on me which will stifle all thoughts of those resolutions.

However this year, there are indeed a few things I want to do before the year is up AKA my resolutions:
1) Learn how to play all 3 movements of Moonlight Sonata.

2) NOT to become desperate in NS and want a girlfriend(I'll only look for one when I'm prepared for marriage)

3) Try my best to fulfil and keep the promises I've made to my close friends.

4) Start serving in the media ministry in church.

5) Eat more, gain weight(it's my homework apparently, still a work in progress)

6) Not to break down when I receive my "A" level results.

7) Begin to open up to the people around me and not close off my heart.

8) Make more close friends who are guys(the majority of my best friends currently are girls)

9) Help my meimei get an A1 for her physics "O" levels by giving her tuition.

10)Finish my novel(it has been a long long long while since I last updated...)

Yup... those are my resolutions... hope I can fulfil them^^ hahas...

From now on I guess I'll be using a quote at the end of every post to illustrate my mood^^ hahas...
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Think of a positive outcome and you will achieve it. Allow doubt to enter your mind and the doubt will be self-fulfiling

Run-up to Xmas

2009-12-25T22:18:00.001+08:00

Yoz... haven't been posting in awhile... hahas... well... let me just give an update on what's been happening to me recently.

On Wednesday I went out Xmas shopping with my brother, we went to City Hall and did quite a bit of stuff there. 1st we went to Jack's Place in Marina Square to eat lunch. We had the lunch set, so it was cheaper than a normal meal but still very filling and satisfying nonetheless. We both ordered a steak and ate it rare, both changed our soup to a lobster bistro, but he drank tea while I killed my digestive system with coffee hahas... mingming still so mingming.

Later we went to Suntec to (hopefully) find the First Tsurugi sword I've been looking for. Unfortunately it wasn't in stock... but I managed to find a nice water bottle for a close friend though^^ hahas...

Then we went to Peninsula to buy my bro's friend's xmas present... on the way there my shoelace got caught in the escalator... and I understood how a fish that got caught on a hook must feel. The escalator kept pulling me in, I panicked and started pulling back. This tug-of-war match continued for some time and I knew something had to give, in the end something did give way, my shoelace got ripped apart... sigh... no one helped me, they only looked, smiled and left.

But enough of that, let's move on to the next day.

On Thursday, I woke up bright and early to prepare for my cellgroup Xmas event. The meeting place was at Queenstown. we're supposed to meet at 12pm. I, being mingming, arrived at 11.30am since I liked to be early. But halfway through I realised that I forgot to bring some crucial stuff and decided to rush back home to take them. Lo and behold my mum "disposed" of those crucial stuff. I still suffer from the guilt from letting everyone down. But we comprmised and the event went without a hitch.

Then I made my way to Somerset to meet up for the Infocomm outing. Had a lot of fun, Went to play pool, played Cluedo at Mile's Cafe and finally went to eat dinner. But since I had coffee the day before, I decided to skip dinner^^ Everyone left one by one and I left too, by that time it was around 10pm and I went home.

Well that's that for my run up to Xmas. I'll probably post my present takings on the next post^^ hahas

What I'm scared of

2009-12-20T23:34:00.002+08:00

Title: What I'm scared of

I'm scared of being lied to,
I can’t tell anyone what I'm feeling,
I can never say what's really important,
I just keep running away.

I'm scared of losing to others,
I'll do whatever I can to win,
I wish to keep a hold on all that I have,
I don't want to lose anything precious anymore.

I'm scared to facing reality,
I find confusion and frustration when I do,
I keep getting hurt over and again,
I seek solace in my own insanity.

I'm scared of losing myself,
I don't know what I should and shouldn't do,
I won't be able to gauge my limits,
I feel that I'd become a different person.

I'm scared of falling in love,
I fear the pain that I felt once before,
I'm afraid I'll be abandoned if I did,
I know I'm an idiot for thinking this way.

Back from camp 2009

2009-12-17T23:24:00.004+08:00

I'm finally back, but many things happened while I was away...

My granduncle had passed away, he went when I was in my second day at camp. Apparently no one had the sense to inform me about it even though I called home everyday.

Finally finished planning my lesson for physics, pretty heavy stuff this time... hope my student won't die from the brain drain.

Learnt a lot of things in camp. Like how God will wreck my life. Let me explain, once you experienced something so good and amazing, you will get wrecked for life. Like after eating the famous ba chor mee in Ang Mo Kio, every ba chor mee I eat can't come close to the standard of the mee in AMK. So every other ba chor mee I eat from now on just won't taste as good since I'm comparing it to the one in AMK.

Likewise, having experienced the greatness of God in my life makes me feel that everything else will pale in comparison because He is just that good.

Recently fell out with a close friend of mine, which makes me kinda sad... to her, everything I say is just rubbish, and she can't trust me anymore. Personally, I've already done the best I could and I still am. But if this is the way things have to be then it's out of my control. But I won't give up, because I don't want to lose the few friends I have left.

I found out that I'm able to open myself up again... in fact more than before... I used to be afraid of so many things... making promises, the future, falling in love... but now I feel a sense of peace.

Promises feel satisfying whenever I'm able to carry them out faithfully.

The future can be moulded, I used to focus on the things that are out of my control, but now I realised that I can control my future by paying attention to the things within my control instead. Such as my attitude towards problems.

Finding love is still very much an important part of my life, but at the same time, it isn't as if it's my life itself. If I do find love then good for me, if not, it's alright too. It's not as if I don't care anymore... I just believe that there's a time for everything, and it just simply isn't my time at this moment.

I think I've grown up a little after this camp. I still care a lot about the same things I used to care about, but now, I just feel peace in my heart. I mean storms come and go in life. Loved ones will pass away. Friends will leave.

Though we all cling onto things important to us, holding on to things not meant to be will just bring suffering to all involved. Sometimes we have to wait, sometimes we have to let go, and sometimes we just have to love things just the way they are. Someone once said that,"There are things that are beautiful because one cannot possess them." Acceptance is the key.

Day before Youth Impact Camp 2009

2009-12-12T21:59:00.002+08:00

Camp starts tomorrow. I won't be online till wednesday afternoon. Don't miss me guys^^

Why so serious? (lol I know the title is lame)

2009-12-11T20:38:00.004+08:00

Hmm... some not-so-serious stuff to say, some serious stuff to say and some heartfelt stuff to say.

Not-so-serious stuff: Recovered from flu^^ hahas... so happy... had a 100% recovery in 1 day... wow new personal record^^ Today I went to church early to finish up the preparations for the camp^^ met Yu Xian and Jie Hau in church, they were making the tribe flag as well as the costumes. lol... since they were in the black tribe they decided to go "Bleach" and cosplay as shinigamis hahas... the kimonos actually look realistic^^ so cool^^ hahas...

Serious stuff: On the way home from church I bought my mum a bouquet of roses, it's her birthday after all^^ and hurried to plan the actions to take before dinner, such as the restaurant, clothes, timing for my dad to fetch us, etc. everything was perfect till the waitress served dessert, it was some fruit cake which made me come close to vomiting :( sadded man.. lucky I managed to hold it in... In the end managed to get home safe and sound^^ hahas...

Heartfelt stuff: I got this feeling from back then. Before, I thought I'd never be able to see you again if I didn't tell you how I felt. But, I realised that I can see you whenever I want, whenever I feel like seeing you. It's not like we're separated by death. We never had any fights. If we meet and chat, it's fun. Right now, and maybe in the future, too, you may not look at me. But it's not like we said good bye forever. So no matter who likes you... I'll make you look at me eventually :)

Not feeling well...

2009-12-10T18:43:00.004+08:00

I think I got flu... zzz... not really feeling well now... my fever makes me feel like I'm living in a freezer, my nose is like a running tap and my sore throat makes me sound like a frog.

zzz... Don't know how I got this in the first place... yesterday I was perfectly fine... sigh... oh well too bad I guess. Kinda sad I missed meeting Xin Yuh at the airport, she's been studying in Australia and now she's back in Singapore for her summer break, and I wasn't able to go to the airport for her arrival T_T sob sob...

I hope I get better tomorrow... really hope I get well in time for camp... hahas... this year's games are going to be so muddy and starchy hahas... lucky I'm in the games committee, so I just have to watch people get dirty hahas...

So teach me!

2009-12-10T13:11:00.001+08:00

Title: So teach me!

I don't know happiness,
The indescribable joys of man,
The contentment of being alive,
So teach me!

I don't know sadness,
The pain of separation and loss,
The desperation of being forsaken,
So teach me!

The experience of happiness,
The knowledge of sadness,
They are beyond my understanding,
So teach me!

I'm waiting for a miracle,
For the thing you've prepared for me,
That lesson for my heart to learn,
So teach me!

Will I be trembling and crying?
Will my heartbeat be accelerating?
I want to comprehend my emotions,
So teach me!

I'll dedicate my heart to you,
For the days we spent together,
For everything you have given me,
So teach me!

Adjusting to life without school

2009-12-07T21:06:00.007+08:00

Now that there's no school, I've been sleeping like a piggy everyday hahas... anime and manga all day long... when not slacking then I would go plan my lessons for physics tuition^^

So far giving tuition has been really fun, though there's a lot of pressure(because I wanna teach well) but there's no stress(because I'm not the one taking the exam) hahas...

Wow... just one more week to church camp^^ can't wait... this year's camp looks really good and I'm especially looking forward to it especially since I missed last year's camp^^

Hmm... went to Cynthia's birthday yesterday, was really nice to see her for one last time before she returns to Indonesia... though the party was kinda awkward, due to the fact that all the guests don't know each other and so everyone felt out of place. But nice experience all in all.

Met up with Bernice again today^^ she gave me an early Xmas present, an "angel in a bottle" hahas... looks really cute^^

I stopped drinking coffee for 1 week^^ hahas... so proud of myself^^ but I couldn't resist any longer and drank a big cup just now^^ hahas... digestion problems came back again :(

I'd better hit the gym more often... if not NS sure die... hahas...

A LEVELS OVER

2009-12-04T23:31:00.003+08:00

Hahas... finally over sia... now can finally slack... hahas... spent the week quite fast.. went out to watch Christmas Carol in 3d with Stephanie, Yu Xian, Jarold, Debra, Bryan, Jing Kang, Jie Hau, Ian and Earnest... was a great experience (my 1st 3d movie) but my eyes feel so pain sia... maybe because I wasn't used to the goggles I guess...

Well... I went to Vivo to buy the tickets for everyone at 10.30am... I said "Eight tickets." and the lady at the ticket counter looked so surprised man hahas... then she said "$104" then it's my turn to be surprised^^ hahas... I hear the cost and I nearly vomit blood sia...

After that I went to Sammy's house. I got lost as usual and ended up there at around 12.30pm. Gave him his birthday present and then Dissidia abit before leaving at around 1.15pm.

I rushed to North Point to buy lunch for my bro (KFC yummy) and reached home and delivered the food at 2.30pm. After resting a little I rushed all the way to Vivo to meet up with the rest. hahas... skipped dinner... after the movie I went home and ate instant noodles instead^^ tiring day... but it was fun^^

Last paper for A levels tomorrow

2009-11-30T22:09:00.004+08:00

Last paper!!!!! hahas... so happy... after tomorrow I'm a free man^^ hahas...

Give a few updates on my life... recently started to give physics tuition and was somehow appointed to be part of the games committee in the church camp... looks like I'll have a busy holiday^^ hahas...

Met up with Bernice for dinner today too... hahas... haven't seen her in awhile and she's as busy as ever... hahas... even though it's just for a short dinner, I had fun catching up^^ hahas...

Sigh... recently feeling kinda emo... everything makes sense and everything is for the best, if that is the case... why does my heart hurt so?

Pain Bearers

2009-11-14T22:35:00.001+08:00

Title: Pain Bearers

When you saw me in that dark corner,
You didn't stereotype me like the rest.
I don't know if you knew…
But I was watching you too…

When we spoke for the first time,
I was nervous beneath my cold exterior.
At the same time there was joy…
As well as supreme sadness…

When we talked about everything and nothing,
You noticed something didn't you?
Something you intuitively sensed…
The very moment you noticed me…

When I reached out to you,
I was held back by hesitation.
It was not the time…
It was my principle…

When you gazed at me you knew something,
You always had me at the corner of your eye.
What you noticed and sensed was that maybe…
Just maybe I was bearing the same pain as you…

Discussion: Relationships (general)

2009-11-12T14:39:00.001+08:00

I know I haven't been posting recently, mainly due to my 'A' levels... revision revision revision... hahas... well looks like i won't be posting a full discussion... haven't really been getting any comments... hahas...
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Relationships with other people will always happen, whether we like it or not. But in today's time and age, BGRs are something which we desire and often dive in without really considering the consequences and the commitment needed to make it work. More and more commonly I hear people telling me that it's just for fun or experience.

RUBBISH!

Going into a relationship for the sake of fun is one of the most childish and immature things I've ever heard(ooh... wait a minute... childish and immature mean the same thing...ahem moving on...). having a close relationship with another human is a precious occurrence, as people in today's world... filled with scepticism and distrust... being able to rely and trust someone without doubts is even more valuable don't you agree?

And so, having "fun" is akin to playing around with another person's heart and reliance on you. Which sounds downright childish and irresponsible doesn't it?

I mean the whole point of dating is to achieve that final goal, which is marriage. We date to see what would sharing our life with another person would be like, and if things work out, eventually get married.

By this definition, it is only appropriate if we get into a steady boy-girl relationship only and ONLY if we're prepared to be committed to marriage. Scary but true. Most people don't even have this in mind when they become a couple. I'm not saying that is wrong, but come on... don't go starting relationships when you don't even know what you want out of it.

Common excuses:
1) I want to be pampered and doted on
Your parents have pampered and doted on you all your life

2) Just for fun, why so serious?
One word: immature

3) I need my other half
Heck, you weren't born as a couple with someone else right? We all came into this world alone(with the exception of twins, triplets, quadruplets, etc.)

4) My friends are all attached and I feel lonely
It's not your responsibility to live everyone else's life for them, just your own.

5) I just want to have all the fun I can while I'm young. I mean what's wrong with playing with peoples' hearts? If I don't do it then someone else will.
There is a special place in hell for people like you

There's more I want to say but unfortunately... time doesn't allow it... study study study... maybe I'll post more next time.

Being Loved While Loving

2009-09-25T23:28:00.004+08:00

Title: Being Loved While Loving

Being loved deeply by someone,
Gives you strength.
While loving someone deeply,
Gives you courage.

Being loved deeply by someone,
Grants you freedom.
While loving someone deeply,
Grants you happiness.

Being loved deeply by someone,
Comes with intimacy.
While loving someone deeply,
Comes with commitment.

Being loved deeply by someone,
Is accompanied with respect.
While loving someone deeply,
Is accompanied with humility.

Being loved deeply by someone,
Fosters communication.
While loving someone deeply,
Fosters trust.

Being loved deeply by someone,
Requires a softened heart.
While loving someone deeply,
Requires a faithful one.
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Hahas... I'm really letting the romantic side of me shine through this poem.

Erm... Just to clarify, there is a common misunderstanding on the definition of the word "romantic". Being romantic has actually nothing to do with doing sweet or thoughtful things for the one you love, although it does come naturally with romance.

Confused?

Let me give an analogy: Ming Yu drinking coffee has nothing to do with happiness although to him, happiness is a byproduct of drinking coffee.

So you see... being sweet and thoughtful comes with being romantic, but do not mean romantic by themselves.

So what is being romantic??

The Oxford dictionary states that: "It is an adjetive to describe someone who values emotion over form."

The ClayJar dictionary states that: "It is an adjetive to describe someone in love with being in love." (If you don't get it then think a little and it will come to you.)

Loving someone does NOT mean being able to look past their flaws. Instead, it is to see the person for who he/she is, while accepting and loving their flaws as well.

Oooooooook... ... I'm done with this little discussion about love, hahas... Hey, I actually posted something interesting for once ^_^V hahas...

Depending on the feedback, I may decide to continue discussing about relationships for awhile... not just BGR, but on relationships between people in general.

I still have a part for guys and another for girls... hahas... just tag me or MSN me about your thoughts^^

(NOTE: I'm mainly putting across my ideals here, which are also my standards for myself... but as I said... it's just me. So anyone is free to disagree if they want to^^ I am not trying to psycho people to follow my standards, just giving food for thought.)

ココロ (KOKORO)

2009-09-21T21:28:00.005+08:00

Haven't been updating due to exams... hahas... hope things turn out well ba... don't know why recently feel sad for no apparent reason... start tearing at the weirdest times... hahas...

Well... I'm trying to cut down on my coffee intake, by replacing the coffee with milk^^ hahas... hopefully the milk can let me grow big and strong(wow? I sound like a kid here lol)

Been listening to the ココロ(KOKORO) remix that Yu Xian made recently^^ hahas... sung by Kagamine Rin and Len, it's a duet^^ hahas... love it so much man... the story so sad and deep...

It's about this lonely scientist who created a robot girl and wants to teach her human emotions and feelings. He spent the rest of his life till his death making a program that can enable the robot to have emotions.

Several hundred years after his death, the robot was still functioning and was wondering what her creator was working on till the end of his life. She installed the program into herself and began to understand emotion, how it feels to be happy and sad. Knowing how miraculous this gift the scientist gave her, she began to sing her emotions into song.

She sang her thanks to her creator for giving her birth into the world, for the time they spent together, and for everything he gave her.

This miracle only lasted for a moment, the program turned out to be too much for the robot to handle, and her system crashed, she was never to move again. But at the very end she was smiling like an angel.

This is just a crude summary of the song... the story is a lot deeper actually, if you watch the full duet^^ hahas...

The scientist's part was sung by Len while the robot's part was sung by Rin. It's a beautiful song^^ though it's not really the genre would usually listen to... I fell in love with it^^ hahas...

Here's how they look like

Note: they are vocaloids which is actually a Japanese voice synthesizer which is a software that enables users to synthesize singing by typing in lyrics and melody.(I know my explaination doesn't really make much sense... just go wiki it^^)

The Flow of Time

2009-09-08T16:25:00.001+08:00

Title: The Flow of Time

The flow of time,
Is like a long endless bridge,
That spans across a huge misty ocean.

On the bridge where the destination is unknown,
And even the path immediately before you unviewable,
We have walked steadily forward to advance.

Despite the uncertainty on the road forward,
No one is allowed to return from where they left,
We can only proceed upon the way shown to us.

There are things of the past we want to repair,
In order to alter the outcome of the future,
But that cannot be called repairing the past.

The flow of time would be destroyed and reformed,
And we will be living in a future we create ourselves,
The past can't be changed but lets repair our future now.

Birthday Wishes

2009-09-02T20:38:00.001+08:00

Happy Birthday Yu Xian, Michelle and Ming Yi. It's not easy finding 3 people who have the same brithday you know? hahas... Here's a poem ^^

Title: Everything Will Be Okay In The End

As we live out our empty lives,
We started by being convinced,
That everything will be okay in the end,
Let us explore the possibility of this.

We seek out paths that define us,
And encounter failure along the way,
How can it be that everything will be okay?
Just remember that it is not yet the end.

Along with the cracks of failure,
We also briefly glimpse at the light of success,
Reaffirmed that everything will be okay,
We follow our path with renewed vigor.

Realize that your success is not only the end result,
But accompanied by the little things along the way.
Everything will be okay in the end,
If it's not okay then it's not the end.

BIRTHDAY!!!

2009-08-31T20:00:00.007+08:00

For those blur people who still don't know... my birthday was two sundays ago^^ hahas... you do the math^^. Let me give a summary on how I spent it.
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14/08/09 - Friday
Finally had the CCA farewell party, unfortunately since I had a prior appointment... I had to leave really soon... I met up with Yu Xian, Wei Xiong, Jie Hau, Chrisabel, Jing Quan and Jarold at City Hall... we went to eat at Aston's to celebrate my birthday dinner^^ hahas... really had a good time^^ as usual, people get freaked out when they discover that I eat my steak rare.

After that we went to Bugis to buy Kong Sheng's birthday present since his birthday was close to mine... the guys bought both our presents^^ hahas... I got a nice poser watch... We got Kong Sheng a watch and a wallet.

We ended off the day by going to watch "Where got ghost?" at the cinema...

15/08/09 - Saturday
Had a great birthday celebration at church, hahas... we celebrated mine and Kong Sheng's birthday at the same time^^ hahas... I was part of a skit for Kong Sheng... kaoz... my reputation shatter into a million pieces le^^ hahas...

16/08/09 - Sunday
Actual day of my birthday... wanna say thanks to the people who wished me happy birthday(in the order of who wished 1st):

thanks Bernice, Yu Yan, Samuel, Earnest, Jie Hau, Siras, Bryan, Debra, Kong Sheng, Yu Xian, Wei Xiong and Jie Kai^^ hahas... thanks you guys...

Didn't do much today... just went to tuition and cut hair... zzz... which no one noticed.

21/08/09 - Friday
Went to Jack's Place with Yu Yan who treated me to lunch^^

23/08/09 - Sunday
Went to Sakae Sushi with Bernice who treated me to lunch^^

31/08/09 - Monday
Went to Swensens with my brother whom I treated to lunch^^ (his birthday coming soon ma...)

Presents tally:
A watch from Yu Xian
A chair from Stephanie
A book from Jie Hau, titled: "I kissed dating goodbye"
A black notebook from Bernice
A birthday card from my brother
A drawing block full of well wishes and poliwags from my cell group
A deck of FF7-AC poker cards from Samuel
A Dawn of War book from Bryan
A bottle of body bath from Jie Kai

hahas... oooook... I hope I can update more frequently...

Once more... THANKS YOU GUYS!!!

Bonds

2009-08-12T22:30:00.000+08:00

Title: Bonds

I have seen many bonds

The dark bond of despair

The filial bond of friendship

The voracious bond of vengeance

The jocund bond of joy

The lonesome bond of longing

The compassionate bond of concern

The needless bond of nihilism

The selfless bond of sacrifice

The horrible bond of hatred

But the rarest of them all,

Is the treasured bond of true love

Freaking out

2009-08-10T21:18:00.010+08:00

Hi everyone... for this post I shall use the space I'm provided with to freak out about nearly everything. Please be warned that I'm just going through an "insane" phase which will merely last for the duration of this post. I'm sure you'd agree that we all go through that "crazy" phase at some point in life. Now is my turn.

It may or may not make any sense to anyone or including myself, but I'm doing this for the sheer heck of it. If you feel disturbed or weirded out after reading then please direct all your opinions to the imaginary friend to your left. Without further ado, I shall now begin.

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ARAGHHHHHH!!!!! My studies sucks... if I can't get into uni how?! DIE LA!!!!!! never mind, my dad told me that I can be a road sweeper hahas!!! Eh... but not bad what... society also needs road sweepers right? hahas... But seriously sia... if I can't get into university then how?!

WRAGAHHHH!!!!!! I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die *deep breath* I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die.... *another deep breath*... I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die!!!!!

sob sob... feel like crying sia... like no matter how much I revise also no use... oh no... my future's gonna be ruined and there's not a thing I can do about it! ARAGHHHH!!!! pathetic... useless... futile... everythings gone up in smoke... zzz...

Sianz... don't want to think about this le... hmm... now have more time for friends I've been neglecting... hahas... WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE... I don't need any girl in my life to be happy^^ hahas... Even if start a relationship now 80% chance will break-up while I'm in NS anyway^^ so staying single now is the best choice^^ hahas... but still worried though... since I seem to attract guys more... if in NS I get raped how? scary sia... so many guys there who're deprived of female company... they turn their attention onto me then how?

Shoot... now I'm scaring myself... maybe I should get used to carrying a knife to sleep from now on... oh no... What if I'll never be able to get a girlfriend in future?! What if the only people I'll attract are guys?! What if I get raped?! What if I can't get married?! What if girls see that guys chase me then think I'm gay?! What if I never run out of what ifs?!

Scary right? sob sob... now I scare myself till I want a girlfriend le... sob sob... *hmm... I'm a very confused and messed up kid hahas...*

Hmm... my throat infection nearly recovered le... hahas... so happy^^ just in time too^^ my birthday coming le...

Some people are asking me, "When is it?"

My answer is "If you're really my friend then you should know."

They would usually reply, "If you won't say then we also won't know right?"

Then I'll retort, "I'm not that hyped up on the whole birthday thing anyway..."

The face I get is usually -_-lll

Hahas... but it's true... I really don't wanna proclaim my birthday for everyone to hear... but I know that I'll definately say my birthday at least once to each of my friends... if I'm really important to you then you'd remember what I've said... hahas... but no hard feelings if you can't remember... I won't blame anyone... hahas... my birthday is just another day on my calendar after all...

The day I was born is a day which I should feel depressed I think... because it's the day I'm brought into this fallen world of suffering and hate... How can I possibly look to this day with expectation?

But I'll admit... the friends who I love and love me in return... those who know my feelings of despair and therefore resolve to help me make this day a joy to me... I thank you from the bottom of my heart... you guys are the ones I'm living for after all^^

YOU GUYS ARE WHAT MAKE ME LAUGH AND CRY...

YOU GUYS UNDERSTAND ME WHEN NO ONE ELSE WILL...

YOU GUYS GOTTEN ME TO LOVE LIVING WHETHER I LIKE IT OR NOT...

YOU GUYS ONLY GIVE ME YOUR BEST...

YOU GUYS NETTLE ME TO KEEP ON STUDYING...

YOU GUYS EXPLAIN MY WRONGS TO ME...

YOU GUYS SUPPORT ME WHEN I'M LOOKING FOR TROUBLE...

YOU GUYS INDULGE WITH ME WHEN I'M LOOKING FOR TROUBLE TOO...

YOU GUYS XENOFY MY PASSION ON FFVII*note that I didn't say you're right in this case*

I LOVE YOU ALL... *even though there're only 4 of you hahas...*

Hahas... well... I gave a clue when's my birthday in the above section in all the caps... lets see if anyone can decipher^^ hahas... ok... I guess I'm done here... hahas... take care everyone

I May...

2009-08-07T21:09:00.006+08:00

Title: I May...

I may feel worthless,

I may become plagued by depression,

But I know I'm important to someone.

I may feel abandoned,

I may become overwhelmed by loneliness,

But yet someone will always be there for me.

I may feel self-loathing,

I may become consumed by self-hatred,

But I am certain that someone loves me.

Sick

2009-08-03T09:47:00.001+08:00

Having high fever now... went to the doctor yesterday... turns out it's due to a throat infection(no blood test, sianz)... soooo I guess no harm done hahas... got MC for 2 days... but I hope I can get well by today^^ hahas... had a horrible sleep last night though... whole body felt so cold... like being in a freezer like that... hmm... missing in-line skating today... sigh...

Stuff to un-note

2009-07-30T23:53:00.005+08:00

After 4 months of running round in circles I've finally broken free of my sadness... Who would have thought letting go would be so hard?

Hmm... 1st and foremost... I don't think I'm able to post my novel chapter this month again... had a ton of work to do... really busy with revision now... so it's only expected that I'm behind schedule... it doesn't help that I'm having writer's block too.

Anyway, nothing much has happened to me since I've last posted. Only the usual stuff (school, study, eat, sleep). So there's nothing much to say here^^ hahas... well... no news is good news right?

Been writing lots of poems though... I'll post them here when I have the time^^ hahas... lets hope I don't become obsessed with my writings again^^ hahas... I think I'll end off with a quote.

"Only you can achieve self-worth for yourself. Anyone offering it to you, or demanding it of you, comes bearing the chains of slavery."~ Richard Rhal

Letter to my past

2009-07-19T00:02:00.010+08:00

There are things that I noticed the moment I saw you. The reason why you've always stayed in the corner of my eye was because I was sensing it. That maybe you're... carrying the same pain as I am...

As I thought things through... I realised that there are 10 rules I can follow as a guideline for my life, as well as a last, unwritten rule:

Rule 1: People are stupid. They believe what they want or expect to believe.

Rule 2: Be wary of kindness. The best of intentions can result in the worst of outcomes.

Rule 3: Emotions must be controlled. Passion is capable of overruling logic.

Rule 4: there is magic to heal in forgiveness. In forgiveness you grant, more so in forgiveness you recieve.

Rule 5: Mind what people do, not only what they say. For deeds will betray a lie.

Rule 6: Reason is our only way of grasping reality. We are free to reject reason, but not to avoid the penalty of the abyss we refuse to see.

Rule 7: Life is the future, not the past. The past can teach us with experience and comfort us with memories, but only the future holds life.

Rule 8: Be justified in your convictions. Be completely committed. Earn for yourself rather than waiting for others to give you what you desire.

Rule 9: A contradiction cannot exist in reality. Not in part, nor in whole.

Rule 10: Wilfully turning aside from the truth is treason to one's self. Truth is rooted in reality, after all, not the imagination.

Unwritten Rule: (If I wrote it down then it wouldn't be unwritten now would it? *wink*)

One Winged Angels

2009-07-17T23:45:00.005+08:00

Title: One Winged Angels