Please bear with me abit longer... I know my last few posts were not exactly your "typical" kind of blog posts... I'm still in the process of organising my mind(it's in a complete mess)... and now this post will(hopefully) tie up all my loose ends.
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My life has been through several unexpected twists and turns this year...
Let me get something straight, I am very well aware of my faults, I am a selfish/arrogant/emo/self-centered jerk... it took me a long time to a final decision... which has changed my life in ways I am only beginning to realise... I suffered a lot because of it...
Making that decision, which is the polar opposite of my character(look at my faults), have made me destroy the very fundamental beliefs in which I had based my personality on... it went against everything I had built for myself... Why? You ask? even my very self... my life... my time... my all...
But there was some good things which came out of it for myself... During that crisis period, I talked to Bernice a lot... she gave me support and a friendly voice to talk to... without which I'll probably still be lost... because of that she has become a very important friend to me... thank you for your time and kindness Snoopy^^
And there's Samuel who helped me through my post-crisis period, simply by spending time with me like going out weekly for expensive food, or sharing our problems with each other... these helped me forget my own problems temporarily...
Ok, I know that it's just another way of saying that I'm running away from my problems. But I'd rather run away and keep my sanity than to face them prematurely and end up in an asylum(get my drift?)
Thanks Sammy bro... Don't lose confidence in yourself... You're a good person and you have been a really great friend, I don't hold anything against you so don't brood over it ok?
Finally there's Julian who helped me look at things in perspective... helped me decide what is most important to me now... helped me determine how I should start living my life again... though the path we have charted out for me is difficult... I'm trying to walk it now... Thanks man... talking to you always help me clear my thoughts...
Though I discovered several people who actually care about me... nothing can really reduce the anguish I've been feeling... it only makes things more or less bearable...
For now... I'll live for others more than for myself... as long as they are happy so will I... that's what I decided... but... it's hard... it's really hard...
Labels: random stuff
Signing off at...
11:32 PM
