Thursday, July 30, 2009
After 4 months of running round in circles I've finally broken free of my sadness... Who would have thought letting go would be so hard?
Hmm... 1st and foremost... I don't think I'm able to post my novel chapter this month again... had a ton of work to do... really busy with revision now... so it's only expected that I'm behind schedule... it doesn't help that I'm having writer's block too.
Anyway, nothing much has happened to me since I've last posted. Only the usual stuff (school, study, eat, sleep). So there's nothing much to say here^^ hahas... well... no news is good news right?
Been writing lots of poems though... I'll post them here when I have the time^^ hahas... lets hope I don't become obsessed with my writings again^^ hahas... I think I'll end off with a quote.
"Only you can achieve self-worth for yourself. Anyone offering it to you, or demanding it of you, comes bearing the chains of slavery."~ Richard Rhal
Labels: random stuff
Signing off at...
11:53 PM
Sunday, July 19, 2009
There are things that I noticed the moment I saw you. The reason why you've always stayed in the corner of my eye was because I was sensing it. That maybe you're... carrying the same pain as I am...
As I thought things through... I realised that there are 10 rules I can follow as a guideline for my life, as well as a last, unwritten rule:
Rule 1: People are stupid. They believe what they want or expect to believe.
Rule 2: Be wary of kindness. The best of intentions can result in the worst of outcomes.
Rule 3: Emotions must be controlled. Passion is capable of overruling logic.
Rule 4: there is magic to heal in forgiveness. In forgiveness you grant, more so in forgiveness you recieve.
Rule 5: Mind what people do, not only what they say. For deeds will betray a lie.
Rule 6: Reason is our only way of grasping reality. We are free to reject reason, but not to avoid the penalty of the abyss we refuse to see.
Rule 7: Life is the future, not the past. The past can teach us with experience and comfort us with memories, but only the future holds life.
Rule 8: Be justified in your convictions. Be completely committed. Earn for yourself rather than waiting for others to give you what you desire.
Rule 9: A contradiction cannot exist in reality. Not in part, nor in whole.
Rule 10: Wilfully turning aside from the truth is treason to one's self. Truth is rooted in reality, after all, not the imagination.
Unwritten Rule: (If I wrote it down then it wouldn't be unwritten now would it? *wink*)
Labels: random stuff
Signing off at...
12:02 AM
Friday, July 17, 2009
Title: One Winged Angels
We're all angels with only one wing,
We find ourselves grounded and flightless.
Toiling beneath the endless sky,
We suffer alone and friendless.
We're all angels with only one wing,
We desire to achieve power and greatness.
Limited in talent and potential,
But driven by unique ambition.
We're all angels with only one wing,
We live in solitude and suspicion.
But with the passage of time,
We become drawn to each other.
We're all angels with only one wing,
Crippled in both body and soul.
As we gather we gain strength,
With understanding we acquire unity.
We're all angels with only one wing,
We can only fly by embracing each other.
We are then made whole and complete,
As we soar towards tomorrow.
Labels: poems
Signing off at...
11:45 PM
Monday, July 13, 2009
Attracting the wrong kind of people
I conducted a survey recently, apparently 4 out of 15 girls find me attractive. And 13 out of 15 guys find me attractive.
Therefore I can deduce that I am indeed a very attractive person when it comes to attracting guys... zzz... I feel like banging my head on a wall...
Hmm... lets review the past year, I had 1 guy confess his feelings to me and 1 guy who regretted getting "fresh" with me(refer to previous post). Sooooo... what's next? Rape? >_<
SIAN AHHH!!!!!
Oh ya... off-topic... someone passed a death sentence on me today... sigh... didn't know that I'm supposed to be dead... zzz...
Hahas... See if things change ba... for the time being... I wanna appologise for not posting the next chapter of my novel last month... It's a really long chapter(it was exam period too) and I'm planning to just post it this month hahas...
Labels: random stuff
Signing off at...
10:45 PM
Saturday, July 11, 2009
There're weird people everywhere
On my way to church today, after alighting from the bus and making my way there, I was molested by some Chinese guy, probably from mainland China(he was wearing a long sleeved shirt with several buttons unbuttoned, the classic China immigrant uniform)
I was in a bad mood at that time due to lack of sleep and and lack of money, out of reflex I found myself reacting to his sexual harassment my punching him in the gut twice before proceeding to beat his face into submission while he's staggering.
I think he cut his lip or something because he started to bleed from the mouth and I knew that my punches don't have enough power in them to cause internal bleeding. Regardless, the sight of blood shook me up a lot.
He looked dazed, but I hit him a few more times to make sure before making my escape(take note: the bus stop was kinda secluded so no one was anywhere in the immediate vicinity to stop me). @#$% gay homo immigrants... Made me dirty my hands...
I fled to church before realising I was there 1 hour early. I was supposed to be there at 1pm, but somehow due to my "blurness", I reached it at 12pm. I spent 1 hour playing Dissidia...
Today we had a sermon which lay the foundation on the topic of spiritual gifts, and after the sermon, we had a cell group activity which helped us to determine our spiritual gifts (mine is exhortation).
Had dinner, owned people in Dissidia, counselled a few people on their problems and went home... All in a day's work for the ClayJar^^ (on a side note: I wish I did have a clay jar at hand when that sick, sexually imbalanced psycho groped me)
Labels: random stuff
Signing off at...
10:57 PM
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Had 2 weeks of exams... all in all not too bad. At least all the hours i spent in the library during the holidays look like they're paying off. This is the 1st time my mind didn't completely turn off during the chem paper^^ and I actually know what I'm talking about during the MoB paper(as opposed to throwing smoke at the examiner, which is how I managed to scrape through the past few years hahas...)
Had dinner with Sarah today after the MoB paper... hahas... haven't seen her in around 3 years and just happened to "bump" into her on my way home^^ we went out for dinner at Long John Silvers in Yishun... she kept trying to psycho me to watch Transformers with her after finding out I had free tickets lol... sorry girl, the tickets are reserved already^^ hahas... too bad.
Regardless, we still wanted to watch a movie but since she needed to be back home and I was feeling increasingly disgusted at being seen in public with my school uniform(oh come on... you guys know how much I hate it right? -_-lll) we parted for home. Upon reaching home I realised that I didn't exchange my contact info with her... sigh... as a result we have no way to contact each other... oh well... just see when is the next time I "bump" into her again on my way home ba^^ hahas...
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To a friend(the 1st part is a reply for you, the 2nd part is a message for myself) :
"Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy."~Proverbs 14:10
Labels: random stuff
Signing off at...
9:26 PM
Friday, July 3, 2009
Title: Hatred. Apathy. Blood.
I hate myself.
A sigh,
A weakness,
A defining thought.
Hate exists because of love.
Loving what I was,
Loving what I would be,
Loving of myself no more.
In my hatred my feelings are dead.
I feel nothing,
I feel emptiness,
I feel naught but hate.
Apathy sinks its teeth in me.
Being numbed,
Being smothered,
Being killed from within.
Pain rouses my emotions from slumber.
Awareness of my existence,
Awareness of the void within me,
Awareness of my leftover humanity.
Self-inflicted wounds works just as well.
Capable of feeling something,
Capable of waking from this nightmare,
Capable of living life for a fleeting moment.
There's blood on my hands.
Who caused this to happen?
Who does this blood belong to?
Who else but me, myself and my razor...
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Just a poem I wrote recently, think what you wish, infer what you can, decide what you must, feel what you would, judge what you want and I'll reap what I sow...
Labels: poems
Signing off at...
11:49 PM
